she came inside and went straight into the kitchen
-my flat mate is in the other room with this girl ...
-a new one?
-yes, ofcourse.
she looked a little bit worried so he asked
-its all good? u look a little bit on your thoughts ...
-didnt had such a good day.
-well, to be honest i just smoked a split :) with them and im kinda stoned, i bet theres still some left overs to make a new one, we can have a relaxed night.
-mmm, you know what , thats not such a bad idea, its been a while since ive last smoke.
-oh... so everyone smokes this ... interesting ... mmmm
they walked into the living room and they were one on top of the other. when the room mate saw her, she whispered to the new girl to shut up about what was going to happen.
-wow , should we just go to our room, she asked smiling .
-you two can join us, the new girl replied laughing ...
she look to him and smiled and then said that they should have another joint and then will see what happens next. they rolled another and started to talk about some memories that involved other sessions of smoking or different drugs that they used in the past.
the new girl was getting more horny and the flat mate was teasing her with touches and kisses. not long she grab his hand and took him in his room.
-the girl was kinda fun, i wonder what would had happen if i was not coming...
-probably i was watching them kiss all night and end up in my room reading some things for my classes tomorrow.... o fuck, totally forgot i need to write this thing for my class tomorrow...
-well its kinda late, and look at you , you.re completely stoned .. maybe we should go and sleep and wake up in the morning and to something about it cuz now i dont think its such a good idea, she said touching his face with a tender move.
-you are right, and give her a kiss
from that kiss they stand up and moved in the bedroom where they jumped in the bed. they were siting there hugging each other and then he asked her
-so what happen with you today, i kinda missed you, and i hate not knowing whats going on, you are alway so mysterious with me about your life
-well i wanted to tell you tonight but now we are stoned so i think i should wait till next day because i dont want you to get paranoid and understand a little bit something else then it is
-you can tell me now, i kinda get awake anyway
-no really, just hold me and lets fall asleep and we talk in the morning about everything.
she turned with the face at him and kissed him on the eye, after she kissed him on his lips and went down to his neck. her hand was touching his leg and slowly she put his underwear down. she pushed his t shirt up and kissed his chest... she went down and give him a nice blow job.
he came into her mouth and during her "visit" to toilet he fall asleep.
when she came back she smiled to see him sleeping and join him in the bed hugging him and fall asleep as well.
the next morning all four of them were kinda silent at the morning coffee and the new girl just left soon after this.
-i have to run now, i need to be in a place soon, was nice t meet u guys maybe we can do this another time
-dont u want to have a breakfast with us?
-i really need to run.
took her shoes on and slang the door after her.
-well , that was a awesome night for me, the flat mate smiled proud about
-i bet you did, he said, looking at him in a bro to bro way
-dont forget about ur paper work, you were mentioned it last night, she said
-yes, u.re right !
he took his phone and called a class mate . talked for 2 min with him and came back in the kitchen.
-all good ! im gonna go now as well. am i gonna see you here when i come back? im not gonna stay long.
-im not sure, find me on my phone?
-you better answer, we need to finish a talk .
-yes , i promise.
-now come and give me a kiss.
they kissed and he went out the door in a rush..
miercuri, 29 decembrie 2010
sâmbătă, 11 decembrie 2010
the story of a guy, ep 3
the rest of the day had passed very fast. they stayed hours kissing and talking about them selfs. as the sun went down and the night was falling they walked back home. the next morning other classes at the university for him but this time she walk him only till the metro station.
-i will let you go now, she said. i will have some things to take care of today as well. here's my number, call me after you finish.
-will do that! good luck with your things.
in the class he has active, you could had see that he has happy because all around him this amazing energy was glowing. at the end his buddies ask him to join them to a pool game at the After dark. a place where they used to hang out normally after courses.
-let me give a call to see what she.s doing and i will be right back to you guys.
he dialed the number but at the end of the line was not her voice. the message machine answered "please leave a msg after the bip"
-hei, seems like your not in a good zone, give me a sign on this number when u get this.
alright guys lets hit the place. they went down in the metro and went up in the center where the place was. after couple of games and couple of drinks one by one the guys were leaving the place.
she didnt call or give a sign yet so he decided to call again. once again the same other voice at the end of the call.
"maybe her phone is dead" or "maybe shes doing her things and she will call back"
the rest of the day he went shopping food and went back home where we cooked dinner. his friend was just entered the door.
-uhuuu, smelling good in here. what we had tonight?
-hei, welcome home, i just finished this vegetarian food but i can add some chicken for you if u like.
-no, go ahead lets eat cuz i didnt had a launch break at work today and dont want to wait another minut.
they put the food on plates and went in the living , sat on the couch and eat. on tv there was Border Police, a show they watched mostly every week.
-so how's a going with her? she is a hotty, you should deff keep her close.
-well , i kinda like her a lot, yesterday we kissed and had a really nice day. in the morning she give me this number and she said she has to fix some things and that i should call her after my classes, but her phone its turned off.
-well dont worry, and dont call her 100 times. leave her a message and she will get back , i think she likes you at hell.
-she better does dude cuz this is the last thing i can take now another failure with a chick.
-you need to have a better game man, you are kinda easy falling and the chicks dont dig that.
-wooow, my game is good, i play fair , im honest and open , and i give them respect, like its a normal thing to be. i got my hummor ...
-you see, chicks dont need this, because this is easy, and whats easy its not interesting.
-i dont wanna agree on this here. a future relationship its build on honesty and true feelings.
-yeah and true relationships dont happen every day. remember the last one? end up growing hair on your face because of what damage she did with your heart. and why? because you give your self to quick.
he didnt want to talk more and in the room was a little bit of silence.they looked at each other and then his flat mate said :
-give her time, she.ll call back! im going to have a shower and buy some condoms got this chick i met in the metro today and had a connexion, let my number and she txt me that she wants to see a movie tonight, at my place ! look
it was true the msg was exactly " how about we see a movie to you place tonight and know each other better" . how does he do it , his mind was asking him self. after almost three quarters of hour he goes down and comes back with a nice blond girl, with big eyes. the lips were covered with a light pink making that smile very attractive. she was wearing a white tshirt that read "today is a gift" and some back molded pants with green snickers.
-hi!you must be the flat mate, it is nice to meet you.
-and i love your tshirt, welcome in !
they sat down in the living drinking a bear and talking about partys and drugs, festival , movies and all this things that were basically normal discussions between youth people.
-by the way guys, do you smoke weed?
-yeah, sure we do, once in a while, he had replied just for not looking that lame and boring as he was thinking about himself but he had never tried it before.
-well thats good because i just got this nice split * a split its a joint , people who smoked knows8 * from my bodies.
-yeah lets rock and roll that split... by the way whats a split??????
the other two started to laugh and lighted up the joint. puff after puff they got high and our hero here started to be really dizzy. he let his phone in the chicken and totally forgot about the call he was waiting for.
the joint , the beers and the hotness of that girl was making him be really outgoing and after they started to talk about sex suddenly he asked:
-had you ever had a three way young lady?
-i never did she said... and fall on her thoughts.
no one had said nothing for couple of second that seems long enough for him to started to feel stupid.
-well i think i should go to sleep he said.
-maybe you should stay , she said.
at the moment the guys were looking to each other eyes and in a telepathic way they communicate.
"do you thing what im thinking?"
"yes, she wants it"
"should we try doing it, what if she.s just nice with the room mate?"
"i dont care that much man, im high and drunk and if she doesnt go for it and she doesnt want me anymore for me was a fun night already, and i can get a new one tomorrow anyway"
-then i will stay , he said.
the next thing that happen was that she put her hands on each one of their legs and started to move it close to their dicks. after this they started to kiss and touch her round medium tits. when ... the door bell ringed ...
wow, who could be at this hour they asked them selfs without even having a clue.
-i should get that , he said, dont let the flame out i.ll be back in a second.
as he opened the door she was standing there with a Kinder Egg in her hand.
-Sorry for today ... this is for you.
He took the egg and just stared stoned at her...
-well? ... can i come in?
-oh yeah, sure, come in ...
to be continued
-i will let you go now, she said. i will have some things to take care of today as well. here's my number, call me after you finish.
-will do that! good luck with your things.
in the class he has active, you could had see that he has happy because all around him this amazing energy was glowing. at the end his buddies ask him to join them to a pool game at the After dark. a place where they used to hang out normally after courses.
-let me give a call to see what she.s doing and i will be right back to you guys.
he dialed the number but at the end of the line was not her voice. the message machine answered "please leave a msg after the bip"
-hei, seems like your not in a good zone, give me a sign on this number when u get this.
alright guys lets hit the place. they went down in the metro and went up in the center where the place was. after couple of games and couple of drinks one by one the guys were leaving the place.
she didnt call or give a sign yet so he decided to call again. once again the same other voice at the end of the call.
"maybe her phone is dead" or "maybe shes doing her things and she will call back"
the rest of the day he went shopping food and went back home where we cooked dinner. his friend was just entered the door.
-uhuuu, smelling good in here. what we had tonight?
-hei, welcome home, i just finished this vegetarian food but i can add some chicken for you if u like.
-no, go ahead lets eat cuz i didnt had a launch break at work today and dont want to wait another minut.
they put the food on plates and went in the living , sat on the couch and eat. on tv there was Border Police, a show they watched mostly every week.
-so how's a going with her? she is a hotty, you should deff keep her close.
-well , i kinda like her a lot, yesterday we kissed and had a really nice day. in the morning she give me this number and she said she has to fix some things and that i should call her after my classes, but her phone its turned off.
-well dont worry, and dont call her 100 times. leave her a message and she will get back , i think she likes you at hell.
-she better does dude cuz this is the last thing i can take now another failure with a chick.
-you need to have a better game man, you are kinda easy falling and the chicks dont dig that.
-wooow, my game is good, i play fair , im honest and open , and i give them respect, like its a normal thing to be. i got my hummor ...
-you see, chicks dont need this, because this is easy, and whats easy its not interesting.
-i dont wanna agree on this here. a future relationship its build on honesty and true feelings.
-yeah and true relationships dont happen every day. remember the last one? end up growing hair on your face because of what damage she did with your heart. and why? because you give your self to quick.
he didnt want to talk more and in the room was a little bit of silence.they looked at each other and then his flat mate said :
-give her time, she.ll call back! im going to have a shower and buy some condoms got this chick i met in the metro today and had a connexion, let my number and she txt me that she wants to see a movie tonight, at my place ! look
it was true the msg was exactly " how about we see a movie to you place tonight and know each other better" . how does he do it , his mind was asking him self. after almost three quarters of hour he goes down and comes back with a nice blond girl, with big eyes. the lips were covered with a light pink making that smile very attractive. she was wearing a white tshirt that read "today is a gift" and some back molded pants with green snickers.
-hi!you must be the flat mate, it is nice to meet you.
-and i love your tshirt, welcome in !
they sat down in the living drinking a bear and talking about partys and drugs, festival , movies and all this things that were basically normal discussions between youth people.
-by the way guys, do you smoke weed?
-yeah, sure we do, once in a while, he had replied just for not looking that lame and boring as he was thinking about himself but he had never tried it before.
-well thats good because i just got this nice split * a split its a joint , people who smoked knows8 * from my bodies.
-yeah lets rock and roll that split... by the way whats a split??????
the other two started to laugh and lighted up the joint. puff after puff they got high and our hero here started to be really dizzy. he let his phone in the chicken and totally forgot about the call he was waiting for.
the joint , the beers and the hotness of that girl was making him be really outgoing and after they started to talk about sex suddenly he asked:
-had you ever had a three way young lady?
-i never did she said... and fall on her thoughts.
no one had said nothing for couple of second that seems long enough for him to started to feel stupid.
-well i think i should go to sleep he said.
-maybe you should stay , she said.
at the moment the guys were looking to each other eyes and in a telepathic way they communicate.
"do you thing what im thinking?"
"yes, she wants it"
"should we try doing it, what if she.s just nice with the room mate?"
"i dont care that much man, im high and drunk and if she doesnt go for it and she doesnt want me anymore for me was a fun night already, and i can get a new one tomorrow anyway"
-then i will stay , he said.
the next thing that happen was that she put her hands on each one of their legs and started to move it close to their dicks. after this they started to kiss and touch her round medium tits. when ... the door bell ringed ...
wow, who could be at this hour they asked them selfs without even having a clue.
-i should get that , he said, dont let the flame out i.ll be back in a second.
as he opened the door she was standing there with a Kinder Egg in her hand.
-Sorry for today ... this is for you.
He took the egg and just stared stoned at her...
-well? ... can i come in?
-oh yeah, sure, come in ...
to be continued
luni, 6 decembrie 2010
the story of a guy - episod 2
they walked back in the city and how was getting late he asked her where is she gonna go.
-i dont know, i.ve told you i have nowhere to go.
good, then lets go to my place, you can crash over, my flat mate wouldnt mind, he.s kinda bringing girls home all the time.
and they did.
they sat that night for couples more hours on the balcony smoking cigarettes and talk about morning, they talk about how fun was being a kid, they talk about religion, starts, politics and the list can go on.
It was already to late and the next they he had to be at some curses he was attending so he said:
-time to go to sleep!
and they did.
the next morning his flat mate just enters the living room, where he was just walking up from the couch.
-got fucked up last night? crashed on the couch?
-oh no, there.s this girl i met, sleeping in my bad.
-what? why u slept on the couch?
as he goes and have a snick look into the room he comes out and says
-man, that girl is hottttttttttttttt.
-you think so? i kinda didnt notice!
-yeah, thats why you should had been in the bed with her, banging the shit out of her !!!
-you see, thats why i didnt. shes not only hot, shes awesome. let me tell you ...
and he started to tell him about yesterday, about his thoughts of leaving the country in the search of his true character, and a new life, and that he wanted to think serious about it at the island were she shoundnt had been there because the place was all empty all the time, but not, she was there and she switch him around. and then she mention about that kiss on the chick that she give him..
-dude, she.s into you, why should he kissed you on the chick?
-well, if you take it like that she was there as well cuz shes kinda homeless of whatever didnt asked much about that, but she didnt had no place to go so i kinda invited her over for last night. shes totally not into me. just made her forget a little about her problems and thats all
-no
-yeah
-no
-yeah
-what no? what yeah? oh ... good morning.
she was standing there only in my turquoise The beat goes on t shirt. she indeed was hot. the guys were starring speechless.
-coffee?? she said smiling and introduce herself to his flat mate.
-yeah, thats exactly what we need now.
-well, im heading to my bed got this amazing night and i still didnt sleep from yesterday.
he went over to the kitchen and grabbed two cup of coffees. he alway loved to drink it on the balcony and smoke a cigarette with it (i know a little usual, but he was doing it in a special way).
-have you sleep well?
-yes, thank you very much for keeping me here.
-dont worry , i bet you will had done the same, you seem such a nice person.
she kinda smile, but it was a smile like "not really" smile ... however he ask if she has something to do this morning because he has to be at his course in about 45 minutes.
-of, excuse me, let me get my cloths on me and im gonna be out of here in a second.
-no... stay, well no ... you should go, but not forever, i just dont trust my flat mate not hitting on you . (and i plan to do that later , after my course, he was saying in his mind ). why dont u grab a fruit and come walk me to the metro.
they went down the stairs and walked the street to the metro were they said goodbye. he was such in a hurry that he forgot about asking a number or at least a date or something. this thought was keeping him distracted all his course. "how the fuck you could forget this? how? how? how? how?",inside his mind.
the course was over and he was kinda sad. he sat down on the stairs and lighted up a cigarette. from his behind he came and sat down near him.
-is this taken ? and a smile
-nooo, no way, what you doing here, i thought...
and then she stopped him.
-after you left the metro i realize that we didnt said if we should meet again, then i run out to see if i still can cache you up. i.ve seen you enter the university and decided to wait and surprise you.
-well, good you did! i couldnt pay any attention at the course ... glad you did it. and for this you will have an ice cream from me :) i know this place, you will love it!
down in the metro they met some friends from school
-hei !
-yoyoyyo , hows a going dude. didnt noticed you in the class
-oh , i got high in the back of the uny with this crazy asian girl i met last night in the camp. missed class again, got any notes from?
-well no, i kinda had my mind in another place. and then he looked at her. btw this is my friend.
the two of them introduce them selfs
-didnt know you had a girlfriend ... but i understand why u keep it a secret
-oh we ..
and here she takes over
-...we met just hook up this spring break and now im in town because i cant be to far away from him.
save by the metro
-well this is ours , we should hop in , peace out dude, i see you around, and dont smoked ur ass tomorrow and come to class we have a test soon.
-dont worry , i see you
-bye there
-bye
they stepped in and went to the island.
-so whats your story? he asked
-my story? hmmm... whats your, tell me yours first
-well to make it short in my highschool i was this great guy, the family pride with good grades and nice activities and then in my last year i got to meet this girl that turned me around and from a nice guy i end up to be a looser, lost my friends, thought my family its falling apart, and did lots of drugs... after my heart was broken got a period of doing the most stupid irresponsible things ... missed my admit exam for my dream university ... and then i realized that that was not what i wanted from life.
-do you know now?
-not really, yesterday was almost close to take a big decision to leave the country and search for something that its in me anyway wherever i would be. and now ive met you, and ...
-and what?
-nothing .. and then nothing.
-hei, look at me, i like you a lot, you make me feel better, better then yesterday, better then this morning ... hei, look at me
and then their eyes were staring at each other and there faces got more close ... and their lips kissed...
to be continued
-i dont know, i.ve told you i have nowhere to go.
good, then lets go to my place, you can crash over, my flat mate wouldnt mind, he.s kinda bringing girls home all the time.
and they did.
they sat that night for couples more hours on the balcony smoking cigarettes and talk about morning, they talk about how fun was being a kid, they talk about religion, starts, politics and the list can go on.
It was already to late and the next they he had to be at some curses he was attending so he said:
-time to go to sleep!
and they did.
the next morning his flat mate just enters the living room, where he was just walking up from the couch.
-got fucked up last night? crashed on the couch?
-oh no, there.s this girl i met, sleeping in my bad.
-what? why u slept on the couch?
as he goes and have a snick look into the room he comes out and says
-man, that girl is hottttttttttttttt.
-you think so? i kinda didnt notice!
-yeah, thats why you should had been in the bed with her, banging the shit out of her !!!
-you see, thats why i didnt. shes not only hot, shes awesome. let me tell you ...
and he started to tell him about yesterday, about his thoughts of leaving the country in the search of his true character, and a new life, and that he wanted to think serious about it at the island were she shoundnt had been there because the place was all empty all the time, but not, she was there and she switch him around. and then she mention about that kiss on the chick that she give him..
-dude, she.s into you, why should he kissed you on the chick?
-well, if you take it like that she was there as well cuz shes kinda homeless of whatever didnt asked much about that, but she didnt had no place to go so i kinda invited her over for last night. shes totally not into me. just made her forget a little about her problems and thats all
-no
-yeah
-no
-yeah
-what no? what yeah? oh ... good morning.
she was standing there only in my turquoise The beat goes on t shirt. she indeed was hot. the guys were starring speechless.
-coffee?? she said smiling and introduce herself to his flat mate.
-yeah, thats exactly what we need now.
-well, im heading to my bed got this amazing night and i still didnt sleep from yesterday.
he went over to the kitchen and grabbed two cup of coffees. he alway loved to drink it on the balcony and smoke a cigarette with it (i know a little usual, but he was doing it in a special way).
-have you sleep well?
-yes, thank you very much for keeping me here.
-dont worry , i bet you will had done the same, you seem such a nice person.
she kinda smile, but it was a smile like "not really" smile ... however he ask if she has something to do this morning because he has to be at his course in about 45 minutes.
-of, excuse me, let me get my cloths on me and im gonna be out of here in a second.
-no... stay, well no ... you should go, but not forever, i just dont trust my flat mate not hitting on you . (and i plan to do that later , after my course, he was saying in his mind ). why dont u grab a fruit and come walk me to the metro.
they went down the stairs and walked the street to the metro were they said goodbye. he was such in a hurry that he forgot about asking a number or at least a date or something. this thought was keeping him distracted all his course. "how the fuck you could forget this? how? how? how? how?",inside his mind.
the course was over and he was kinda sad. he sat down on the stairs and lighted up a cigarette. from his behind he came and sat down near him.
-is this taken ? and a smile
-nooo, no way, what you doing here, i thought...
and then she stopped him.
-after you left the metro i realize that we didnt said if we should meet again, then i run out to see if i still can cache you up. i.ve seen you enter the university and decided to wait and surprise you.
-well, good you did! i couldnt pay any attention at the course ... glad you did it. and for this you will have an ice cream from me :) i know this place, you will love it!
down in the metro they met some friends from school
-hei !
-yoyoyyo , hows a going dude. didnt noticed you in the class
-oh , i got high in the back of the uny with this crazy asian girl i met last night in the camp. missed class again, got any notes from?
-well no, i kinda had my mind in another place. and then he looked at her. btw this is my friend.
the two of them introduce them selfs
-didnt know you had a girlfriend ... but i understand why u keep it a secret
-oh we ..
and here she takes over
-...we met just hook up this spring break and now im in town because i cant be to far away from him.
save by the metro
-well this is ours , we should hop in , peace out dude, i see you around, and dont smoked ur ass tomorrow and come to class we have a test soon.
-dont worry , i see you
-bye there
-bye
they stepped in and went to the island.
-so whats your story? he asked
-my story? hmmm... whats your, tell me yours first
-well to make it short in my highschool i was this great guy, the family pride with good grades and nice activities and then in my last year i got to meet this girl that turned me around and from a nice guy i end up to be a looser, lost my friends, thought my family its falling apart, and did lots of drugs... after my heart was broken got a period of doing the most stupid irresponsible things ... missed my admit exam for my dream university ... and then i realized that that was not what i wanted from life.
-do you know now?
-not really, yesterday was almost close to take a big decision to leave the country and search for something that its in me anyway wherever i would be. and now ive met you, and ...
-and what?
-nothing .. and then nothing.
-hei, look at me, i like you a lot, you make me feel better, better then yesterday, better then this morning ... hei, look at me
and then their eyes were staring at each other and there faces got more close ... and their lips kissed...
to be continued
duminică, 5 decembrie 2010
the story of a guy
this story its about a guy. a guy that was not happy with who he was. a guy that thought his family it.s falling apart but the only thing that happen was that he was growing apart them. he was in the early 20s when he decided that is time to find a new place, a inner peace, a better life, better friends, a girlfriend.
he didnt know nothing about the outside world. even doh he decided one morning to start the trip of his life.
he wakes up in the morning in his rented apartment and as he enters the kitchen sees his flat mate having a coffee with another girl that felt for his crappy bullshit. " poor her " he said it in his mind.
-well, good morning you two! its a beautiful day today isnt it?
they just smiled to him in an affirmative way and continued their discussion like he was not there. "this totally sux" again his mind was talking with in his head.
-i got to do something about this shit!
the attention of that two went straight to him. "a aooo,did i just said that with loud voice?"
-what? why you birds are looking at me like this?
his friend, sorry ... his flat mate said in a totally uncool way that yeah maybe he should do something about this shit.
-well maybe i will, he replied in defense leaving the kitchen.
goes in the toilet room and washes his face. looks in the mirror and blinks couple of time. his mind was talking again saying to his that this is not who he wanted to be, this is not the person his heart is telling him two be. but this is definitely that person that its gonna start searching for his true character.
He puts some pants on, and a white tshirt, unplugs his player and grabs the headphones and the keys from the messy table in front of the couch. Closed the door and run down the stairs. The weather outside was beautiful, the sky was a perfect blue and the air was cooling. The greens of the trees were more alive like the others days, and people strangely seems more happy than usually.
Puts his headphones on his eyers and starts walking to a nice place near the telephone company that he used to call it "the island". it was a special place where you could here the signal transmission and where in the night time the fished was jumping and created this mystical atmosphere.
It was kinda a park, you had some nice alee and couple of benches were you could admire a nice landscape over the lake. Normally not many people were siting there, and always the place was empty and he could had it just for himself. This time on one of the benches a girl was siting down.
he gets closer to her and asks :
-excuse me? but what are u doing here?
after she gives him an " excuse me sir" look
-as u can see im enjoying the landscape.
-but this is my place, no one its here ever. i always come here because i need this place, it makes me feel better.
-well seems like you have to share it today, someone else has to feel better as well.
and she turns her face in the other direction.
-nonono, you see you dont get it! i cant feel better knowing that you are around.
-oh really, then you just have to feel sorry for you then, because i aint going anywhere.
He goes quiet for a bit thinking in his head what should he do.
-I will sit down here, and im gonna wait till you.re done and then im gonna have my moment. i did came here to make a big decision and its the only place i can take it!
-You are going to wait for some while because i have no place to live right now, i had this fight with my parents and i will not go back to that shit.
Wait the minute, so u have no place to sleep for tonight? he asked her in a way to concerned, but maybe it was just because she was a girl and his truly character was one of sympathy.
Thats right, she reply with half of voice.
For couples of moments you could have hear just the breeze blowing true the trees and some birds singing.they look at each other for couples of moments and then you could see now a smile was starting to grow on they mouths.
-How about i buy u launch? i bet you need something to eat as well.
-what happen with "im gonna wait till you live and take my big decision" ??
-Hei! im not gonna ask u twice !
-Ok, lets go!
As they walk together they started to talk about all kinda stupid thoughts about life, about their dreams, about love, about fun. Basically the conversation was going very positive constructive. They had launch in a nice place somewhere in the center and after that walked around the city talking more about them selfs.
The time had passed and it was almost evening.
-hei i got this idea, come! and he grabs her hand and runs downs the stairs in the metro. Jumps in, and goes out at the train station.
-what are u going? she asked him worried.
-dont worry, im not gonna run with you! im gonna show u something amazing
And they started to walk down the line. after a curve there was the most amazing landscape she ever saw. you could have seen the city and now the city was wearing a red-orange light that made her feel like a movie.
-so? what you think? isnt it the most beautiful place in the city? after the island :) thats my favorite. and this one its like this just 10 to 15 min a day, i never saw it in the morning at the sunrise but maybe i will one day.
She didnt had to answer nothing, it was more rhetorical anyway. They were staring over the city for couples of minutes without saying a world. She went more close to him and give him a kiss on the chick.
-wow, what was that for?
-just a thank you kiss.
-thank you for what?
-for making me better ...
"hmmm... shes right , i do feel better now, and she.s kinda cute as well .. "
to be continued
he didnt know nothing about the outside world. even doh he decided one morning to start the trip of his life.
he wakes up in the morning in his rented apartment and as he enters the kitchen sees his flat mate having a coffee with another girl that felt for his crappy bullshit. " poor her " he said it in his mind.
-well, good morning you two! its a beautiful day today isnt it?
they just smiled to him in an affirmative way and continued their discussion like he was not there. "this totally sux" again his mind was talking with in his head.
-i got to do something about this shit!
the attention of that two went straight to him. "a aooo,did i just said that with loud voice?"
-what? why you birds are looking at me like this?
his friend, sorry ... his flat mate said in a totally uncool way that yeah maybe he should do something about this shit.
-well maybe i will, he replied in defense leaving the kitchen.
goes in the toilet room and washes his face. looks in the mirror and blinks couple of time. his mind was talking again saying to his that this is not who he wanted to be, this is not the person his heart is telling him two be. but this is definitely that person that its gonna start searching for his true character.
He puts some pants on, and a white tshirt, unplugs his player and grabs the headphones and the keys from the messy table in front of the couch. Closed the door and run down the stairs. The weather outside was beautiful, the sky was a perfect blue and the air was cooling. The greens of the trees were more alive like the others days, and people strangely seems more happy than usually.
Puts his headphones on his eyers and starts walking to a nice place near the telephone company that he used to call it "the island". it was a special place where you could here the signal transmission and where in the night time the fished was jumping and created this mystical atmosphere.
It was kinda a park, you had some nice alee and couple of benches were you could admire a nice landscape over the lake. Normally not many people were siting there, and always the place was empty and he could had it just for himself. This time on one of the benches a girl was siting down.
he gets closer to her and asks :
-excuse me? but what are u doing here?
after she gives him an " excuse me sir" look
-as u can see im enjoying the landscape.
-but this is my place, no one its here ever. i always come here because i need this place, it makes me feel better.
-well seems like you have to share it today, someone else has to feel better as well.
and she turns her face in the other direction.
-nonono, you see you dont get it! i cant feel better knowing that you are around.
-oh really, then you just have to feel sorry for you then, because i aint going anywhere.
He goes quiet for a bit thinking in his head what should he do.
-I will sit down here, and im gonna wait till you.re done and then im gonna have my moment. i did came here to make a big decision and its the only place i can take it!
-You are going to wait for some while because i have no place to live right now, i had this fight with my parents and i will not go back to that shit.
Wait the minute, so u have no place to sleep for tonight? he asked her in a way to concerned, but maybe it was just because she was a girl and his truly character was one of sympathy.
Thats right, she reply with half of voice.
For couples of moments you could have hear just the breeze blowing true the trees and some birds singing.they look at each other for couples of moments and then you could see now a smile was starting to grow on they mouths.
-How about i buy u launch? i bet you need something to eat as well.
-what happen with "im gonna wait till you live and take my big decision" ??
-Hei! im not gonna ask u twice !
-Ok, lets go!
As they walk together they started to talk about all kinda stupid thoughts about life, about their dreams, about love, about fun. Basically the conversation was going very positive constructive. They had launch in a nice place somewhere in the center and after that walked around the city talking more about them selfs.
The time had passed and it was almost evening.
-hei i got this idea, come! and he grabs her hand and runs downs the stairs in the metro. Jumps in, and goes out at the train station.
-what are u going? she asked him worried.
-dont worry, im not gonna run with you! im gonna show u something amazing
And they started to walk down the line. after a curve there was the most amazing landscape she ever saw. you could have seen the city and now the city was wearing a red-orange light that made her feel like a movie.
-so? what you think? isnt it the most beautiful place in the city? after the island :) thats my favorite. and this one its like this just 10 to 15 min a day, i never saw it in the morning at the sunrise but maybe i will one day.
She didnt had to answer nothing, it was more rhetorical anyway. They were staring over the city for couples of minutes without saying a world. She went more close to him and give him a kiss on the chick.
-wow, what was that for?
-just a thank you kiss.
-thank you for what?
-for making me better ...
"hmmm... shes right , i do feel better now, and she.s kinda cute as well .. "
to be continued
marți, 7 septembrie 2010
Doi
februarie 2006, in memoria ei
… un singur lucru mai speram , sa imi gasesc in mine inca putin din puterea necesara ptr a putea trece peste un al moment greu ce mi se intamplase de.a lungul acestori ani ai adolescentei , ani in care inveti ce e singuratatea langa altii …
Era una din zilele in care nu credeam ca s.ar mai putea intampla ceva care sa.mi capteze atentia .Eram atat de plin de energie , de dorinta de exteriorizare … dar totul era zadarnic, nu gaseam nimic in nimic … Ma aflam in centrul orasului , in drumul meu spre locul care ma salvase de atatea ori de nebunia deciziilor pe care urma sa le iau , era drumul meu spre casa . Intensitatea pasilor crestea , simteam ca trebuie sa fiu cat mai repede undeva , ca ceva ma cheama … nu am luat nici un fel de atitudine si am lasat totul la voia intamplarii .Mai era putin si drumul se sfarsea , nimic nu mi se intamplase inca desii (pre)sentimentul incepea sa ma copleseasca , incepusem sa ma uit la fiecare om care imi trecea prin cale , incercam sa urmaresc fiecare detaliu , pe care de altfel nici nu l.as fii vazut , devenisem agitat , si nu doar fizic , interiorul devenind ceva ce nu mai puteam sa controlez .M.am oprit .vroiam sa ma calmez , crezusem ca am intrat intr.o gaura a nebuniei mele .Totul se oprise … gandurile , simturile , lumea din jurul meu … doar ceva in departara se misca … apoi totul incepuse sa reinvie atat de incet incat puteam sa vad cele mai ascunse detalii din actiunea imprejurului meu.Nu mai urmasem directia normala si am luat.o inspre acel ceva ce se misca in departare … acuma acel ceva se oprise , ajungand mai aproape observasem ca era o persoana , un om , o fata .Indata ajungeam langa ea , dar ma oprisem , ceva in interior imi pusese o intrebare : Ce ai de gand ?ce vei face dupa ce ai sa o vezi ?Incercasem sa nu dau importanta gandurilor si m.am apropiat de ea … Am indraznit sa ma prezint , dar nu primisem importanta .Vroiam sa renunt si sa imi continui drumul meu spre casa .M.am intors , facusem doar 2 pasi cand ceva ma oprise , eram mana fetei :
"-Imi cer scuze , Annia , Annia e numele meu ", dupa care imi zambise cu totul fermecator .Apoape ca ma pierdusem in frumusetea felului cum eram privit , aproape ca ramansesem blocat in propriul mister dezvaluit .Realizasem de ce acel presentiment , de ce toata aceasta zii ciudata , era totul ptr a o intalnii pe ea !
M.am prezentat din nou :
-"Alexus" ; intinsem mana ,dar Annia nu observase , privirea ii era fixata in cea a ochilor mei , privire care in momentul acela zambea , si zambea din adancul zilelor plictisitoare , din adancul monotoniei si nesperantei ; ii zambisem din dragoste !
Ia.mi cerut sa isi piarda cateva clipe cu mine ;incepusem san e plimbam in josul ingustei strazii ce duce ape langa cofetaria cartierului.Nu stiam nimic din ce urma sa ii spun , nimic din ce urma sa fac , stiam doar de sentimentul ciudat care ma complesea in interior , stiam doar de fiorii care ma traceau la fiecare zambet ce il primeam , la fiecare cuvant rostit din acea gurita fermecata .Ne.am oprit pe o banca , unde incepusem sa ii descriu ciudatul sentiment de dinaintea intalnirii ei ;nu mi.a raspuns nimic , a zambit intr.un fel aparte , ciudat , si plin de intelegere ,nici eu nu insistasem , erau atatea lucruri pe care vroiam sa le cunosc despre ea ; ore in sir statusem pe acea banca , incepusem san e dezvaluim si cele mai ascunse secrete , ba chiar incepusem sa imi dau seama de lucruri care nu stiam ca sunt ascunse in mine . Dupa ore , multe , era timpul acelei despartiri pe care nici unul nu si.o dorea . Era inevitabil … dar nu indrazneam a o face .Ptr cateva minute nu mai schimbasem nici un cuvant , cand aceiasi mana ma atinse usor .Atunci simtisem ceva unic , divin .Nu stiam cum sa raspund dar ceva ma impinse mai aproape de ea , a fost o miscare pe care nici macar eu nu o pot explica .
In cele din urma ne luasem ramas bun , urma sa ne vedem a doua zii , pe aceiasi banca de pe aleea strazii ce ducea la cofetaria cartierului …
Drumul zilnic pe care il parcurgeam se preschimbase intr.unul nou , parca nu mai trecusem niciodata prin aceste locuri , totul devea atat de frumos , atat de plin de viata !
Ajunsesem in fata casei unde m.am oprit ptr a imi ordana putin gandurile , nu vroiam sa se vada aceasta schimbare la mine .Intrasem , mi.am salutat parintii , bunica si fratele mai mic cum obisnuiam in fiecare zi la intoarcere .Fusesem intrebat despre intarzierea mea de cateva ore si raspunsesem ca am avut ceva de lucru asupra unui proiect la scoala , apoi m.am retras in camare mea .Ma aruncasem pe spate , in pat .Ochii imi erau inchisi iar chipul fetei imi navalea mintile , trupul , inima .Tot ce mai facea era sa astept , sa astept trecerea timpului .Eram nerabdator sa o intalnesc din nou .
Totul devenise mult mai placut , chiar si temele ptr scoala imi dadeau o satisfactie inexplicabila .Cuprins de oboseala si imbatat de frumusetea fetei am dat drumul unei muzici lente , dupa care ma intinsem din nou in pat gandindu.ma la momentul in care o voi reintalnii .Adormisem fara a.mi da seama …
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring … imi ridicasem capul usor sa privesc in jur , era ceasul care imi indica ora 6:30 dimineata .Ma ridicasem din pat … am dat drumul muzicii, de data asta putin mai vesele , dar asemanator de lente .Realizasem ca nu mai e mult pana cand o voi inatalni din nou pe Annia .
Orele de la scoala trecusera repede , devenisem mai activ , avand cateva raspunsuri la care de obicei nu ma oboseam sa raspund . Urmase ultima ora iar profesorul anuntase lipsa sa la aceasta … mai aveam o ora in care nu aveam ce face , trebuia doar sa astept . Frumoasa idee de a fugi la floraria din cartier si de a alege ceva frumos ptr Annia mi.a dat inca un impuls energetic . De indata imi luasem lucrurile si pornisem .Ajuns acolo vazusem un frumos bughet de crini proaspeti :
-Buna ziua , mi.ar placea sa cumpar acel buchet de crini albi , m.am adresat vanzatoarei .
In timpul in care imi aranjase buchetul , aruncasem niste priviri pe rafturile frumos decorate … tot ce vazusem imi parea frumos , fiecare intr.un sens propriu .
Poftim , mi se adresase vanzatoarea ! dupa care adaugase : "buna alegere " afirmatie urmata de un zambet .
Luasem florile si pornisem spre banca de pe aleea strazii care ducea la cofetaria cartierului … nu mai era mult si se facea ora 14:20 , ora la care trebuia sa imi reintalnesc fata care imi preschimbase viata in ceva frumos si colorat .
Ajunsesem cu cateva minute mai repede , m.am asezat .Urmase partea cea mai grea , ultimele minute pana la momentul pe care il asteptamsem … nu dupa mult timp Annia se aproapria , m.am ridicat si nu facea nimic decat sa o privesc , fiecare pas prin care se apropria ma facea sa ma prierd in ganduri , nu eram sigur cum sa fac , ce o sa.i spun , imi venea sa o imbratisez , sa o sarut , sa o privesc in ochi si sa.i spun toate aceste lucruri care imi schimbase total perspectiva vietii .Ajunsese langa mine
-Buna Alexus !
-Buna Annia , acestea sunt ptr tine , si ii intinsem bughetul de crini .
Ramasese placut surprinsa , dupa care mi s.a adresat :
-De unde ai stiut ca iubesc crinii albi ? imi multumesc mult , dupa care urmase o imbratisare si un mic pupic de obrajiorul meu care de indata se inrosise .
-Ce ai prefera sa facem in dupa-amiza aceasta ? Putem alege intre Parcul de distractii si o plimbare cu barca pe raul orasului .
-Dintotdeauna mi.am dorit sa am cu cine sa merg in Parcul de distractii , as prefera sa mergem acolo , mi.a raspuns .
Isi mai mirosise inca o data crinii , si pornisem .Au urmat cateva ore de nebunie , adrenalina , distractie si romantism .In timp ce eram in sectorul de tir , cerul senin se acoperise cu nori cenusii si grei care pareau a cadea peste noi .In cateva clipe ploaia incepuse iar distractia era pe terminate , darn u vroiam sa se termine aici .Am apucat.o de mana si i.am zis sa vina dupa mine , ne adapostisem pentru cateva secunde sub primul pom ce ne.a iesit in cale . Eram imbibati cu apa , crinii parca rasarise si se facuse si mai frumosi , nu se opera din ai mirosii .Urmase un moment pe care nu cred ca am sa.l uit vre.odata , a fost momentul in care privirile ni se unise iar o forta misterioasa ne atrase unul langa celalat pana cand nasurile ni se lipise , mana mi s.a ridicat usor mangaindui obrajiorul ud , ploaia se oprise iar soarele isi facea loc printer norii care se raspandisera inetisor .A urmat un sarut pe care nu as avea cuvinte in al descrie , totul a fost divin , totul se invartea in jurul nostru cu o viteza lenta , catecul pasarelelor de dupa ploaie crease atmosfera perfecta . Ne oprisem si timizi si rusinati ne zambiseram .
Am apucato din nou de mana si , zburdalnici , ne indreptam spre casa ei .Intrasem timid in camera sa , totul in jur era alb si albastru –deschis .Atunci intelegeam de ce iubeste crinii albi … era poza mamei sale inconjurata de crini albi .In timpul in care ea fusese sa se aduca prosoape ptr a ne usca , am apucat sa arunc cateva priviri asupra lucrurilor din camera . Observasem o chitara intr.unul din colturile camerei .
Intrase in camera .
-Nu mi.ai spus ca iti place sa canti !
ezitase sa raspunda , dar o facuse :
-Obisnuiam …dupa care isi aplecase capul ca si cum ii fusese greu sa vb despre asta .Renuntasem la detalii .
Observasem ca se intristase , vroiam sa spun ceva dar nu gaseam puteam gasii nici un subiect …
-Vino , i.am spus , si pornisem spre gradina pe care o observasem uitandu.ma pe fereastra .Era o gradina simpla , un copac de a carei ramuri atarna o hinta care in loc de scandura avea o mica canapea .
Ne.am asezat si incepusem sa vorbisem despre planurile de viitor la care ne gandeam fiecare , aflasem ca de mica si.ar fii dorit sa cante la chitara , primise lectii de la varsta de 5 ani , dar lectile s.au oprit cand tatal ei plecase , parasindu.si sotia si fiica de 7 anisori.Apoi ii povestisem despre planurile mele , ii explicasem ca tot ce as dori sa fac e sa fiu proprietarul unui club dedicat jazz.ului.Seara se lasase , ne luasem ramas bun din nou , si ne,am promis san e vedem si ziua ce urma , in acelas loc , la aceiasi ora .
Asa au trecut zile , saptamani .. luni in care viata mea se trasformase dintr.un desen alb-negru intr.un pastel de culori vesele .Trecuse aproape si vacanta de vara , vacanta in care nu trecuse o zii in care sa nu ne vedem , sa nu ne stangem in brate , sa nu ne sarutam , sa nu ne spunem cat de mult insemnam unul ptr celalat … mai erau cateva zile si urma un moment important in vietiile noastre , trebuia sa ne decidem unde vom merge sa studiem mai departe .
Era o zi urata de inceput de toamna , natura era aproape moarta , soarele disparuse de pe cerul senin care ne caracteriza relatia , totul incepea sa se trasforme din nou un culorile cenusii care imi bantuise adolescenta pana la intalnirea Anniei .Ma surprisem intins pe spate , in acelas pat in care obisnuiam sa visez la clipele ce erau sa se nasca langa ea , dar de aceasta data gandurile imi erau intunecate si pline de pesimism … nu mai gaseam din nou nimic in nimic …Usa se deschise :
-Buna , o voce trista imi spuse .
Imi ridicasem capul si acolo era , statea nemiscata iar ochii ii erau plini cu lacrimi . Nu ii raspunsem nimic , m.am indreptat spre ea si am tinut.o strans in brate minute in sir .
-Totul o sa fie bine , i.am spus , o sa te urmez oricunde ai merge , nu e nimic care sa ne desparta .
-Nu sunt de acord sa renunti la visul tau , nu ar fii cinstit , nu ai fii fericit !
Ii raspunsem ca ea imi este fericirea , iar langa ea toate visele mele s.au trasformat in realitate , langa ea am invatat sa zambesc , langa ea am invatat sa plang , sa sufar , sa ma bucur , sa rad … langa ea am invatat sa traiesc !
Eram intinsi pe podea , picioarele ne erau incrucisate , mainile impreunate … iar lacrimile nu se opreau a nu curge .
-Stiu !!!!!! tresarisem , O sa ne vizitam in fiecare weekend , o sa ne scriem scrisori, o sa ne sunam zilnic … o sa fie bine , trebuie sa fie bine !
Nu primisem nici un raspuns … imi dadusem si eu seama ca ar fii fost greu , dar nu era nimic care sa ma faca sa renunt la ceea ce imi umplea sufletul cu bucurii , cu dragoste !
Trecusera zile in care nu am incetat sa ne vedem , nici unul dintre noi nu mai deschise acest subict .Intalnirile erau la fel de frumoase , iar in inimile noastre se asezau amintiri pe care nu aveam sa le uitam , dar adanc inauntrul meu ma macina incetul cu incetul , nu vroiam sa accept o viata fara Annia langa mine . Ea era tot ce devenisem . Timpul trecuse iar momentul despartirii se apropiase , mai erau 3 zile in care trebuia sa invat sa renunt la ce imi era mai drag . Nu vroiam dar era inevitabil . Ne decisem sa ne despartim in momentul in care drumurile noastre vor lua cai separate . Toate aceste decizii au fost luate cu ochii inlacrimati , cu o durere inimaginabila , era ca si cum ceva din sufletul tau te parasea .
Ultime zile trecusera , Annia se indreptase spre est , urmand sa studieze facultatea de Limbi Moderne , in timp ce eu ma indreptasem spre vest urmand sa studiez ASE.ul ; asa cum cerul senin incepuse a.mi caracteriza starea sufleteasca , asa norii cenusii isi incepusera sa ma domini , pesimismul si pictiseala erau caracterele ce imi dominou starea interioara ;
Ajuns in campusul facultatii , m.am vazut repartizat in camera 666 avandu.l coleg pe un anume Denis .Urcam scarile ptr a ajunge in camera . Ajunsesem la etajul 3 , camera se afla la sfarsitul coridorului … mai aveam putin … fiecare pas pe care il faceam simteam cum ma departez de sufetul meu . Ajunsesem in fata usii , ma oprisem ptr a ma calma putin , nu vroiam sa.mi speriu colegul chiar din prima zii . Batusem la usa , deschisem usa , camera era goala , cateva bagaje aruncate intr.un colt al camerei . Pe fereastra era lipit un bilet … il dezlipisem si l.am citit : " Buna , patul de langa usa as prefera sa fie al meu , ignora.mi bagajele , eu am sa revin mai tarziu , iar atunci o sa ne cunoastem si personal , semnat Denis ! "
Nu imi explic de ce dar ceva ma facuse sa zambesc … am lasat biletul acolo si m.am uitat la patul de la fereastra , era putin mai mic , dar greu vizibil aces lucru . Oricum eram indiferent fata de aceste detalii .Imi aruncasem si eu bagajele langa pat , ma odihnisem cateva secunde … incercam sa imi gasesc ceva de facut ptr a nu.mi amintii de suferinta in care eram scufundat . Imi aranzasem in urmatoarele ore lucrurile in jumatatea de camera care imi "apartinea" . Se lasase seara , deschisesem fereastra iar in curtea campusului o gramda de studenti adunati , puteam auzii si muzica vesela ce se auzea in fundal … Destul de obosit , am decis sa ma implic si eu in "activitatile" de inceput !
Coborasem cele trei etaje cand telefonul ma atentiona ca primisem un mesaj , il deschisem , era Annia : " M-am instalat in camera , am o colega ciudata nu am vazut.o pana acum , scria doar pe un bilet ca o sa ajunga mai tarziu , imi este dor de tine ! sa nu ma dai uitarii ! " Recunosc ca aceste vb imi inmuiase genunchii , lacrimile nu au ezitat sa apara in coltul ochilor obositi … Incercasem sa raspund dar gandurile mi se opreau in varful degetelor , scurgandu.se sub forma unor vise pierdute .Reusisem intr.un final sa.mi descriu dorul ; in finalul mesajului ii spusesem ca nu are de ce sa isi faca griji , o sa fie in sufletul meu ptr totdeauna , ptr ca e singura persoana care mi.a atins sufletul si a reusit sa isi faca un loc in inima mea .
Nu mai avusem nici un chef de oameni si ma intorsesem in camera , era deja ora 23 iar colegul meu de camera nu aparuse … Am incercat sa fiu prietenos , si am lasat si eu un bilet lipit pe geam : "Noapte buna , semnat Alexus " . Odormisem in scurt timp …
Ring ring ring ring ring ring … era zgomotul bine cunoscut al ceasului meu desteptator , ma ridicasem din pat , imi aruncasem privirea spre patul lui denis , era acoperit pe fata , dar observasem parul blond … si ciufulit … ma pregatisem de explorarea campusului … in mare liniste iesisem din camera , coridorul era animat de studentii obositi .
Parcurgand coridorul si aruncand priviri in stanga si in dreapta mi.am dat seama ca aici as putea sa.mi implinesc unul din visele mele , sa deschid clubul dedicat jazz.ului , plin cu studenti incurcati in matematici … imi formasem deja o viziunea asupra cum arata , erau imagini care imi treceau in fata ochiilor … ma oprisem , ptr a ma calma putin si ptr a revenii la realitate . Coborasem cele trei etaje , ma aflasem in curtea campului , ma plimbam fara rost , priveam arhitectura veche a cladurilor , jocurile de sah dintre studentii care se aflau in parcul "Sahului" , un parc unde totul era in carou , pana si bancile erau vopsite in patratele alb-negru .Un nou fior imi trecuse prin burta , tulburandu.ma din linistea pe care mi.o daduse plimbarea.Ceva imi intorsese capul spre poarta campusului , unde tocmai ajunsese un taxi din care coborase o fata , parul blond ii stralucea uimitor,pasii micuti si lenti imi aduceau aminte dureros de trecutul meu fericit .Am ignorat si mi.am continuat plimbarea , dar tot cheful imi disparuse . M.am intors in camera .Usa era incuiata , avea un biletel lipit pe ea : "Te astept la 15 la poarta campus.ului , cu drag Annia " … lacrimi imi curse instantaneu , dupa care un gand pesimist imi spusese ca ar putea fii o gluma tampita din partea colegului meu , dar el nu avea de unde sa stie , am privit ceasul , mai erau 10 minute pana la ora 15 , m.am uitat in oglinda , si mi.am racorit fatza udand.o cu apa rece … apoi am coborat grabit cele 3 etaje , ajuns in curte respirasem adanc de cateva ori ptr a.mi calma bataile inimii . Ma indreptasem spre poarta campus.ului , ajuns acolo am zarit o fata statea pe o valiza mare , cu spatele la poarta , puteam recunoaste parul blond al fete.i care coborase din taxi . Am indraznit sa intreb :
-Annia ? tu esti ? (cuvinte adresate printre lacrimile pe care nu puteam sa le stapanesc )
-Nu am putut sa resist , a trebuit neaparat sa vin ! mi.a spus dupa care a urmat lungi minute in care ne.am imbratisat , in care ne.am sarutat … totul era atat de incredibil, o aveam din nou langa mine .
Mi.am promis atunci sa nu mai renunt niciodata la ceea imi este drag , sa lupt si sa pastrez ceea ce imi umple sufletul cu soare aproape de mine , doar asa voi putea fi implinit de.a dreptul .Tot ce ne ofera viata mai scump e iubirea ! iar iubirea trebuie pastrata aproape de suflet , trebuie sa te bucuri de ea in fiecare clipa , sa o traiesti !
Annia a facut facultatea la distanta si ma ajuta in administrarea clubului , nu dupa mult timp,reusisem sa deschid 2club; impreuna am creat o atmosfera placuta iar foarte repede clubul avea clienti fideli , devenise o familie mare in care prietenia era cel mai important lucru.
Acum ca povestea mea se sfarseste va spun : Niciodata sa va intoarceti spatele iubirii !
… un singur lucru mai speram , sa imi gasesc in mine inca putin din puterea necesara ptr a putea trece peste un al moment greu ce mi se intamplase de.a lungul acestori ani ai adolescentei , ani in care inveti ce e singuratatea langa altii …
Era una din zilele in care nu credeam ca s.ar mai putea intampla ceva care sa.mi capteze atentia .Eram atat de plin de energie , de dorinta de exteriorizare … dar totul era zadarnic, nu gaseam nimic in nimic … Ma aflam in centrul orasului , in drumul meu spre locul care ma salvase de atatea ori de nebunia deciziilor pe care urma sa le iau , era drumul meu spre casa . Intensitatea pasilor crestea , simteam ca trebuie sa fiu cat mai repede undeva , ca ceva ma cheama … nu am luat nici un fel de atitudine si am lasat totul la voia intamplarii .Mai era putin si drumul se sfarsea , nimic nu mi se intamplase inca desii (pre)sentimentul incepea sa ma copleseasca , incepusem sa ma uit la fiecare om care imi trecea prin cale , incercam sa urmaresc fiecare detaliu , pe care de altfel nici nu l.as fii vazut , devenisem agitat , si nu doar fizic , interiorul devenind ceva ce nu mai puteam sa controlez .M.am oprit .vroiam sa ma calmez , crezusem ca am intrat intr.o gaura a nebuniei mele .Totul se oprise … gandurile , simturile , lumea din jurul meu … doar ceva in departara se misca … apoi totul incepuse sa reinvie atat de incet incat puteam sa vad cele mai ascunse detalii din actiunea imprejurului meu.Nu mai urmasem directia normala si am luat.o inspre acel ceva ce se misca in departare … acuma acel ceva se oprise , ajungand mai aproape observasem ca era o persoana , un om , o fata .Indata ajungeam langa ea , dar ma oprisem , ceva in interior imi pusese o intrebare : Ce ai de gand ?ce vei face dupa ce ai sa o vezi ?Incercasem sa nu dau importanta gandurilor si m.am apropiat de ea … Am indraznit sa ma prezint , dar nu primisem importanta .Vroiam sa renunt si sa imi continui drumul meu spre casa .M.am intors , facusem doar 2 pasi cand ceva ma oprise , eram mana fetei :
"-Imi cer scuze , Annia , Annia e numele meu ", dupa care imi zambise cu totul fermecator .Apoape ca ma pierdusem in frumusetea felului cum eram privit , aproape ca ramansesem blocat in propriul mister dezvaluit .Realizasem de ce acel presentiment , de ce toata aceasta zii ciudata , era totul ptr a o intalnii pe ea !
M.am prezentat din nou :
-"Alexus" ; intinsem mana ,dar Annia nu observase , privirea ii era fixata in cea a ochilor mei , privire care in momentul acela zambea , si zambea din adancul zilelor plictisitoare , din adancul monotoniei si nesperantei ; ii zambisem din dragoste !
Ia.mi cerut sa isi piarda cateva clipe cu mine ;incepusem san e plimbam in josul ingustei strazii ce duce ape langa cofetaria cartierului.Nu stiam nimic din ce urma sa ii spun , nimic din ce urma sa fac , stiam doar de sentimentul ciudat care ma complesea in interior , stiam doar de fiorii care ma traceau la fiecare zambet ce il primeam , la fiecare cuvant rostit din acea gurita fermecata .Ne.am oprit pe o banca , unde incepusem sa ii descriu ciudatul sentiment de dinaintea intalnirii ei ;nu mi.a raspuns nimic , a zambit intr.un fel aparte , ciudat , si plin de intelegere ,nici eu nu insistasem , erau atatea lucruri pe care vroiam sa le cunosc despre ea ; ore in sir statusem pe acea banca , incepusem san e dezvaluim si cele mai ascunse secrete , ba chiar incepusem sa imi dau seama de lucruri care nu stiam ca sunt ascunse in mine . Dupa ore , multe , era timpul acelei despartiri pe care nici unul nu si.o dorea . Era inevitabil … dar nu indrazneam a o face .Ptr cateva minute nu mai schimbasem nici un cuvant , cand aceiasi mana ma atinse usor .Atunci simtisem ceva unic , divin .Nu stiam cum sa raspund dar ceva ma impinse mai aproape de ea , a fost o miscare pe care nici macar eu nu o pot explica .
In cele din urma ne luasem ramas bun , urma sa ne vedem a doua zii , pe aceiasi banca de pe aleea strazii ce ducea la cofetaria cartierului …
Drumul zilnic pe care il parcurgeam se preschimbase intr.unul nou , parca nu mai trecusem niciodata prin aceste locuri , totul devea atat de frumos , atat de plin de viata !
Ajunsesem in fata casei unde m.am oprit ptr a imi ordana putin gandurile , nu vroiam sa se vada aceasta schimbare la mine .Intrasem , mi.am salutat parintii , bunica si fratele mai mic cum obisnuiam in fiecare zi la intoarcere .Fusesem intrebat despre intarzierea mea de cateva ore si raspunsesem ca am avut ceva de lucru asupra unui proiect la scoala , apoi m.am retras in camare mea .Ma aruncasem pe spate , in pat .Ochii imi erau inchisi iar chipul fetei imi navalea mintile , trupul , inima .Tot ce mai facea era sa astept , sa astept trecerea timpului .Eram nerabdator sa o intalnesc din nou .
Totul devenise mult mai placut , chiar si temele ptr scoala imi dadeau o satisfactie inexplicabila .Cuprins de oboseala si imbatat de frumusetea fetei am dat drumul unei muzici lente , dupa care ma intinsem din nou in pat gandindu.ma la momentul in care o voi reintalnii .Adormisem fara a.mi da seama …
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring … imi ridicasem capul usor sa privesc in jur , era ceasul care imi indica ora 6:30 dimineata .Ma ridicasem din pat … am dat drumul muzicii, de data asta putin mai vesele , dar asemanator de lente .Realizasem ca nu mai e mult pana cand o voi inatalni din nou pe Annia .
Orele de la scoala trecusera repede , devenisem mai activ , avand cateva raspunsuri la care de obicei nu ma oboseam sa raspund . Urmase ultima ora iar profesorul anuntase lipsa sa la aceasta … mai aveam o ora in care nu aveam ce face , trebuia doar sa astept . Frumoasa idee de a fugi la floraria din cartier si de a alege ceva frumos ptr Annia mi.a dat inca un impuls energetic . De indata imi luasem lucrurile si pornisem .Ajuns acolo vazusem un frumos bughet de crini proaspeti :
-Buna ziua , mi.ar placea sa cumpar acel buchet de crini albi , m.am adresat vanzatoarei .
In timpul in care imi aranjase buchetul , aruncasem niste priviri pe rafturile frumos decorate … tot ce vazusem imi parea frumos , fiecare intr.un sens propriu .
Poftim , mi se adresase vanzatoarea ! dupa care adaugase : "buna alegere " afirmatie urmata de un zambet .
Luasem florile si pornisem spre banca de pe aleea strazii care ducea la cofetaria cartierului … nu mai era mult si se facea ora 14:20 , ora la care trebuia sa imi reintalnesc fata care imi preschimbase viata in ceva frumos si colorat .
Ajunsesem cu cateva minute mai repede , m.am asezat .Urmase partea cea mai grea , ultimele minute pana la momentul pe care il asteptamsem … nu dupa mult timp Annia se aproapria , m.am ridicat si nu facea nimic decat sa o privesc , fiecare pas prin care se apropria ma facea sa ma prierd in ganduri , nu eram sigur cum sa fac , ce o sa.i spun , imi venea sa o imbratisez , sa o sarut , sa o privesc in ochi si sa.i spun toate aceste lucruri care imi schimbase total perspectiva vietii .Ajunsese langa mine
-Buna Alexus !
-Buna Annia , acestea sunt ptr tine , si ii intinsem bughetul de crini .
Ramasese placut surprinsa , dupa care mi s.a adresat :
-De unde ai stiut ca iubesc crinii albi ? imi multumesc mult , dupa care urmase o imbratisare si un mic pupic de obrajiorul meu care de indata se inrosise .
-Ce ai prefera sa facem in dupa-amiza aceasta ? Putem alege intre Parcul de distractii si o plimbare cu barca pe raul orasului .
-Dintotdeauna mi.am dorit sa am cu cine sa merg in Parcul de distractii , as prefera sa mergem acolo , mi.a raspuns .
Isi mai mirosise inca o data crinii , si pornisem .Au urmat cateva ore de nebunie , adrenalina , distractie si romantism .In timp ce eram in sectorul de tir , cerul senin se acoperise cu nori cenusii si grei care pareau a cadea peste noi .In cateva clipe ploaia incepuse iar distractia era pe terminate , darn u vroiam sa se termine aici .Am apucat.o de mana si i.am zis sa vina dupa mine , ne adapostisem pentru cateva secunde sub primul pom ce ne.a iesit in cale . Eram imbibati cu apa , crinii parca rasarise si se facuse si mai frumosi , nu se opera din ai mirosii .Urmase un moment pe care nu cred ca am sa.l uit vre.odata , a fost momentul in care privirile ni se unise iar o forta misterioasa ne atrase unul langa celalat pana cand nasurile ni se lipise , mana mi s.a ridicat usor mangaindui obrajiorul ud , ploaia se oprise iar soarele isi facea loc printer norii care se raspandisera inetisor .A urmat un sarut pe care nu as avea cuvinte in al descrie , totul a fost divin , totul se invartea in jurul nostru cu o viteza lenta , catecul pasarelelor de dupa ploaie crease atmosfera perfecta . Ne oprisem si timizi si rusinati ne zambiseram .
Am apucato din nou de mana si , zburdalnici , ne indreptam spre casa ei .Intrasem timid in camera sa , totul in jur era alb si albastru –deschis .Atunci intelegeam de ce iubeste crinii albi … era poza mamei sale inconjurata de crini albi .In timpul in care ea fusese sa se aduca prosoape ptr a ne usca , am apucat sa arunc cateva priviri asupra lucrurilor din camera . Observasem o chitara intr.unul din colturile camerei .
Intrase in camera .
-Nu mi.ai spus ca iti place sa canti !
ezitase sa raspunda , dar o facuse :
-Obisnuiam …dupa care isi aplecase capul ca si cum ii fusese greu sa vb despre asta .Renuntasem la detalii .
Observasem ca se intristase , vroiam sa spun ceva dar nu gaseam puteam gasii nici un subiect …
-Vino , i.am spus , si pornisem spre gradina pe care o observasem uitandu.ma pe fereastra .Era o gradina simpla , un copac de a carei ramuri atarna o hinta care in loc de scandura avea o mica canapea .
Ne.am asezat si incepusem sa vorbisem despre planurile de viitor la care ne gandeam fiecare , aflasem ca de mica si.ar fii dorit sa cante la chitara , primise lectii de la varsta de 5 ani , dar lectile s.au oprit cand tatal ei plecase , parasindu.si sotia si fiica de 7 anisori.Apoi ii povestisem despre planurile mele , ii explicasem ca tot ce as dori sa fac e sa fiu proprietarul unui club dedicat jazz.ului.Seara se lasase , ne luasem ramas bun din nou , si ne,am promis san e vedem si ziua ce urma , in acelas loc , la aceiasi ora .
Asa au trecut zile , saptamani .. luni in care viata mea se trasformase dintr.un desen alb-negru intr.un pastel de culori vesele .Trecuse aproape si vacanta de vara , vacanta in care nu trecuse o zii in care sa nu ne vedem , sa nu ne stangem in brate , sa nu ne sarutam , sa nu ne spunem cat de mult insemnam unul ptr celalat … mai erau cateva zile si urma un moment important in vietiile noastre , trebuia sa ne decidem unde vom merge sa studiem mai departe .
Era o zi urata de inceput de toamna , natura era aproape moarta , soarele disparuse de pe cerul senin care ne caracteriza relatia , totul incepea sa se trasforme din nou un culorile cenusii care imi bantuise adolescenta pana la intalnirea Anniei .Ma surprisem intins pe spate , in acelas pat in care obisnuiam sa visez la clipele ce erau sa se nasca langa ea , dar de aceasta data gandurile imi erau intunecate si pline de pesimism … nu mai gaseam din nou nimic in nimic …Usa se deschise :
-Buna , o voce trista imi spuse .
Imi ridicasem capul si acolo era , statea nemiscata iar ochii ii erau plini cu lacrimi . Nu ii raspunsem nimic , m.am indreptat spre ea si am tinut.o strans in brate minute in sir .
-Totul o sa fie bine , i.am spus , o sa te urmez oricunde ai merge , nu e nimic care sa ne desparta .
-Nu sunt de acord sa renunti la visul tau , nu ar fii cinstit , nu ai fii fericit !
Ii raspunsem ca ea imi este fericirea , iar langa ea toate visele mele s.au trasformat in realitate , langa ea am invatat sa zambesc , langa ea am invatat sa plang , sa sufar , sa ma bucur , sa rad … langa ea am invatat sa traiesc !
Eram intinsi pe podea , picioarele ne erau incrucisate , mainile impreunate … iar lacrimile nu se opreau a nu curge .
-Stiu !!!!!! tresarisem , O sa ne vizitam in fiecare weekend , o sa ne scriem scrisori, o sa ne sunam zilnic … o sa fie bine , trebuie sa fie bine !
Nu primisem nici un raspuns … imi dadusem si eu seama ca ar fii fost greu , dar nu era nimic care sa ma faca sa renunt la ceea ce imi umplea sufletul cu bucurii , cu dragoste !
Trecusera zile in care nu am incetat sa ne vedem , nici unul dintre noi nu mai deschise acest subict .Intalnirile erau la fel de frumoase , iar in inimile noastre se asezau amintiri pe care nu aveam sa le uitam , dar adanc inauntrul meu ma macina incetul cu incetul , nu vroiam sa accept o viata fara Annia langa mine . Ea era tot ce devenisem . Timpul trecuse iar momentul despartirii se apropiase , mai erau 3 zile in care trebuia sa invat sa renunt la ce imi era mai drag . Nu vroiam dar era inevitabil . Ne decisem sa ne despartim in momentul in care drumurile noastre vor lua cai separate . Toate aceste decizii au fost luate cu ochii inlacrimati , cu o durere inimaginabila , era ca si cum ceva din sufletul tau te parasea .
Ultime zile trecusera , Annia se indreptase spre est , urmand sa studieze facultatea de Limbi Moderne , in timp ce eu ma indreptasem spre vest urmand sa studiez ASE.ul ; asa cum cerul senin incepuse a.mi caracteriza starea sufleteasca , asa norii cenusii isi incepusera sa ma domini , pesimismul si pictiseala erau caracterele ce imi dominou starea interioara ;
Ajuns in campusul facultatii , m.am vazut repartizat in camera 666 avandu.l coleg pe un anume Denis .Urcam scarile ptr a ajunge in camera . Ajunsesem la etajul 3 , camera se afla la sfarsitul coridorului … mai aveam putin … fiecare pas pe care il faceam simteam cum ma departez de sufetul meu . Ajunsesem in fata usii , ma oprisem ptr a ma calma putin , nu vroiam sa.mi speriu colegul chiar din prima zii . Batusem la usa , deschisem usa , camera era goala , cateva bagaje aruncate intr.un colt al camerei . Pe fereastra era lipit un bilet … il dezlipisem si l.am citit : " Buna , patul de langa usa as prefera sa fie al meu , ignora.mi bagajele , eu am sa revin mai tarziu , iar atunci o sa ne cunoastem si personal , semnat Denis ! "
Nu imi explic de ce dar ceva ma facuse sa zambesc … am lasat biletul acolo si m.am uitat la patul de la fereastra , era putin mai mic , dar greu vizibil aces lucru . Oricum eram indiferent fata de aceste detalii .Imi aruncasem si eu bagajele langa pat , ma odihnisem cateva secunde … incercam sa imi gasesc ceva de facut ptr a nu.mi amintii de suferinta in care eram scufundat . Imi aranzasem in urmatoarele ore lucrurile in jumatatea de camera care imi "apartinea" . Se lasase seara , deschisesem fereastra iar in curtea campusului o gramda de studenti adunati , puteam auzii si muzica vesela ce se auzea in fundal … Destul de obosit , am decis sa ma implic si eu in "activitatile" de inceput !
Coborasem cele trei etaje cand telefonul ma atentiona ca primisem un mesaj , il deschisem , era Annia : " M-am instalat in camera , am o colega ciudata nu am vazut.o pana acum , scria doar pe un bilet ca o sa ajunga mai tarziu , imi este dor de tine ! sa nu ma dai uitarii ! " Recunosc ca aceste vb imi inmuiase genunchii , lacrimile nu au ezitat sa apara in coltul ochilor obositi … Incercasem sa raspund dar gandurile mi se opreau in varful degetelor , scurgandu.se sub forma unor vise pierdute .Reusisem intr.un final sa.mi descriu dorul ; in finalul mesajului ii spusesem ca nu are de ce sa isi faca griji , o sa fie in sufletul meu ptr totdeauna , ptr ca e singura persoana care mi.a atins sufletul si a reusit sa isi faca un loc in inima mea .
Nu mai avusem nici un chef de oameni si ma intorsesem in camera , era deja ora 23 iar colegul meu de camera nu aparuse … Am incercat sa fiu prietenos , si am lasat si eu un bilet lipit pe geam : "Noapte buna , semnat Alexus " . Odormisem in scurt timp …
Ring ring ring ring ring ring … era zgomotul bine cunoscut al ceasului meu desteptator , ma ridicasem din pat , imi aruncasem privirea spre patul lui denis , era acoperit pe fata , dar observasem parul blond … si ciufulit … ma pregatisem de explorarea campusului … in mare liniste iesisem din camera , coridorul era animat de studentii obositi .
Parcurgand coridorul si aruncand priviri in stanga si in dreapta mi.am dat seama ca aici as putea sa.mi implinesc unul din visele mele , sa deschid clubul dedicat jazz.ului , plin cu studenti incurcati in matematici … imi formasem deja o viziunea asupra cum arata , erau imagini care imi treceau in fata ochiilor … ma oprisem , ptr a ma calma putin si ptr a revenii la realitate . Coborasem cele trei etaje , ma aflasem in curtea campului , ma plimbam fara rost , priveam arhitectura veche a cladurilor , jocurile de sah dintre studentii care se aflau in parcul "Sahului" , un parc unde totul era in carou , pana si bancile erau vopsite in patratele alb-negru .Un nou fior imi trecuse prin burta , tulburandu.ma din linistea pe care mi.o daduse plimbarea.Ceva imi intorsese capul spre poarta campusului , unde tocmai ajunsese un taxi din care coborase o fata , parul blond ii stralucea uimitor,pasii micuti si lenti imi aduceau aminte dureros de trecutul meu fericit .Am ignorat si mi.am continuat plimbarea , dar tot cheful imi disparuse . M.am intors in camera .Usa era incuiata , avea un biletel lipit pe ea : "Te astept la 15 la poarta campus.ului , cu drag Annia " … lacrimi imi curse instantaneu , dupa care un gand pesimist imi spusese ca ar putea fii o gluma tampita din partea colegului meu , dar el nu avea de unde sa stie , am privit ceasul , mai erau 10 minute pana la ora 15 , m.am uitat in oglinda , si mi.am racorit fatza udand.o cu apa rece … apoi am coborat grabit cele 3 etaje , ajuns in curte respirasem adanc de cateva ori ptr a.mi calma bataile inimii . Ma indreptasem spre poarta campus.ului , ajuns acolo am zarit o fata statea pe o valiza mare , cu spatele la poarta , puteam recunoaste parul blond al fete.i care coborase din taxi . Am indraznit sa intreb :
-Annia ? tu esti ? (cuvinte adresate printre lacrimile pe care nu puteam sa le stapanesc )
-Nu am putut sa resist , a trebuit neaparat sa vin ! mi.a spus dupa care a urmat lungi minute in care ne.am imbratisat , in care ne.am sarutat … totul era atat de incredibil, o aveam din nou langa mine .
Mi.am promis atunci sa nu mai renunt niciodata la ceea imi este drag , sa lupt si sa pastrez ceea ce imi umple sufletul cu soare aproape de mine , doar asa voi putea fi implinit de.a dreptul .Tot ce ne ofera viata mai scump e iubirea ! iar iubirea trebuie pastrata aproape de suflet , trebuie sa te bucuri de ea in fiecare clipa , sa o traiesti !
Annia a facut facultatea la distanta si ma ajuta in administrarea clubului , nu dupa mult timp,reusisem sa deschid 2club; impreuna am creat o atmosfera placuta iar foarte repede clubul avea clienti fideli , devenise o familie mare in care prietenia era cel mai important lucru.
Acum ca povestea mea se sfarseste va spun : Niciodata sa va intoarceti spatele iubirii !
schimbarea
februarie 2006, in memoria ei
Sa ma prezint : “Ma numesc Emm , am 18 ani ,m.am nascut in Sighisoara in a 7a zii a primaverii lui 1984 .Nu mai era mult cand si se aproprie schimbarea , se apropiase ; totul devenea nemultumitor . Un nou loc , o noua privire asupra lucrurilor trebuia sa fie suportata ! Era inceputul celui de.al doilea semestru, inca nu ma obisnuisem cu programul strict .Iesirile seara , si pierderea timpului cu distractia faceau toate parte din decorul cercului in care ma aflam .Nopti perfecte de muzica in care ne gaseam dansand ore intregi, iesiri, petreceri, festivale ... noi cunostinte ... erau lucrurile care imi caracterizau viziunea asupra lucrurilor.O noua atitudine si o nou perspectiva urma sa ma intampine ; trebuia sa fiu atent unde o sa aleg sa fiu .
Zile in care mereu gandurile imi erau preocupate cu gasirea unei alte lumi deveneau frecvente stari de spirit , incepusem sa ma obisnuiesc sa nu mai fie nimeni,nimic in jurul meu .Nu aveam nevoie sa fiu in preajma nimanui ;singuratatea era un loc in care incepusem sa ma simt bine , sa traiesc dupa proprile ganduri , dupa noile certitudini care deveneau .Majoritatea timpului mi.l petrecusem in camera , de multe ori in fata calculatorului , la birou sau intins pe pat ascultand muzica .Comunicam putin cu prieteni , cunostinte , colegi ;tot ce faceam era sa vb cu mine insumi ,sa.mi ordonez lucrurile in cap.
Erau putine persoane cu care mai puteam vb .Mery era una dintre prietenele mele cu care imi placea la nebunie sa ies , intotdeauna ne simteam bine.Nu mai vb cu ea de cateva zile , vroiam sa o sun , dar ceva ma oprea , vroiam doar sa fiu singur !In cele din urma am pus mana pe telefon si am sunat ; nu o gasisem acasa , le.am spus parintilor ei sa nu ii spuna ca am sunat , si ca o sa o caut eu mai incolo .Trecusera inca cateva zile in care nu am avut contact cu nici un fel de persoana .La scoala incercam sa nu vorbesc mai nimic , raspunsurile erau scurte , la obiect .Nu ziceam nimic mai mult decat ce eram intrebat .
Asa trecuse 3 luni , erau cateva zile pana la incheierea anului . Plecasem de la cateva ore ptr a ma bucura de cerul senin , plimbandu.ma in parcul orasului . Ma oprisem pe o banca ptr a savura o tigare . Imi terminasem tigarea cand o fata imi ceruse permisiunea de a sta pe aceiasi banca ; ma uitasem in jur , erau destule banci libere ... dar ii spusesem ca poate sa se aseze . Isi luase din ghiozdan o carte , incepuse sa citeasca . Incercam sa imi vad ce propriile ganduri , dar ceva ma atragea in a o privii . Ma gandisem ca e doar din cauza singuratatii in care traisem in ultimele luni .Imi aprinsesem inca o tigare ... Fata isi scoase si ea un paghet de tigari dupa care mi se adresase :
-Imi poti da si mie un foc ?
-Da , ii intinsem bricheta ...
-Multumesc , raspunse inapoi .Observasem ca fumam aceleasi tigari .Dupa cateva fumuri mi se adresase din nou :
-Si ce faci aici de unul singur?
-Incerc sa ma bucur de liniste , de soare ... de o zii frumoasa !
-Imi cer scuze daca te.am deranjat , si isi dechise din nou cartea si incepu sa citeasca .Vroiam sa.i spun ca nu ma deranjase , lucru de care chiar eu ma mirasem,dar am ezitat si mi.am continuat fumatul „in liniste” .Trecuse cam jumatate de ora , imi ceruse din nou un foc , pe care i l.am dat .Indraznisem sa o intreb :
-Ce citesti acolo ?
-Celebra carte a lui Coelio , „Alchimistul” .
-Nu am apucat niciodata sa o citesc , dar am auzit ca e foarte interesanta.
-Desii sunt doar la inceput , mi se pare atractiva pana acum.
Vroiam sa o intreb cum se numeste , lucru pe care l.a anticipat :
-Eu sunt Karin , imi intinse mana ...
-Emm ...
-Imi pare bine , ii spusese , lucru de care imi parea si mie de fel , dar nu ii spusesem .Mai fumasem inca patru tigari , timp in care schimbasem cateva cuvinte. Incepusem sa imi dau seama cat de mult imi lipsise comunicarea .Vroiam sa.i multumesc ca s.a asezat langa mine , ca mi.a cerut foc si ca a vorbit cu mine. Imi luasem la revedere si pornisem spre casa .Ajuns in camera mea , ma aruncasem in fata calculatorului .Imi deschisem adresa de mail si trimisesem un mesaj la toti vechii prieteni : „In aceasta sambata va invit la petrecere , dupa ora 22 va astept @ my place ! semnat Emm” .
Era weekendul in care parintii mei plecau cu treburi la tara . Din nou spre surprinderea mea deseori mintea imi fugea la Karin , fata care se asezase langa mine pe banca ; vroiam ca si ea sa vina la petrecerea mea . Nu stiam mai nimic despre ea , nici la ce liceu invata , nici unde locuieste ... Eram foarte hotarat sa o reintalnesc .A doua zii ma dusesem in parc, unde am ramas pe aceeasi banca cateva ore , imi luasem si o carte cu mine ptr a nu ma plictisi , era „Alchimistul” .Ma plictisisem sa astept , ma uitam mai mereu in jur cu speranta ca privirea mea sa o reintalneasca din nou .Decisem sa plec , si sa revin a doua zii . Nu eram foarte sigur de ce era sa fac in continuare , incepusem sa ma plimb , cutreieram strazile doar din plictiseala .Imi propusem sa merg la cumparaturi , ptr a pregatii unele lucruri ptr petrecere . Intrasem in magazinul Funny Things .La tejghea nu se afla nimeni , asa ca incepusem sa ma uit printre lucruri , imi alesesem niste lumini ptr petrecere , erau de culoare albastra .Mai luasem cateva lumanari , niste betigase parfumate , ceva cd.uri cu muzica mai noua ... si ma indreptasem spre tejghea.Tot nu era nimeni , am lasat lucrurile acolo si mai aruncasem niste priviri prin imprejur .
-Buna ziua , cu ce va pot ajuta !
-As dorii sa ....... buna karin , cata coincidenta , chiar incercasem sa dau de tine , in aceasta sambata se da o petrecere la mine acasa , uite aici ai adresa mea ( ii dadusem cartea de vizita ) mi.ar placea mult sa vii ! ăăă ... Si as dorii sa platesc lucrurile acestea !
-Totul face XXXX ... ! cat pentru sambata nu stiu ce sa zic , am sa incerc sa imi fac putin timp ...dar nu promit nimic.
Am inghitit in sec raspunsul pentru ca nu era unul pe care il asteptam , dar oricum ce mai conta acum , cand am reintalnito si stiam unde sa o gasesc? Plecasem, soarele incepuse sa apuna cand ma aflam intr.un punct inalt al orasului de unde privelisea se confunda in orizont ... Un aer optimist ma cumprisese.
Incercasem sa nu ma mai gandesc si sa las totul pe cursul valului, era sambata dimineata cand incepusem decoratiile , dupa 3-4 ore totul era pregatit; mai erau putine ore pana cand invitatii trebuiau sa apara. Ma imbracasem foarte comod, puteam spune ca am putine emotii, erau multe luni de cand nu mai comunicasem cu oameni. Era ora zece si 3 minute cand soneria usii imi atragea atentia ca cineva asteapta sa intre. Deschisem, nu puteam sa cred, era Chris, un bun amic de.al meu de care uitasem in perioada schimbarii. L.am servit cu o bere, dupa care ne aruncasem intr.o canapea in care am vb despre lucruriile pe care le.am mai facut de cand nu mai vorbisem. Ii explicasem prin ce ganduri am trecut, sentimentele de retragere in singuratate si asteptarile mele care nu ii erau cunoscute; trecuse o ora, nici nu observaem dar casa incepuse sa fie plina de oameni care odata imi erau dragi, dar cum stateam si ma uitam printre multimea care incepuse sa arate ca un grup de raveri care nu mai puteau fii scosi din lumea dansului in care ii afundea din ce in ce mai mult dj Harmony, intelegeam ca dintre toti de.acolo erau putini pe care ii mai consideram cat de cat amici, cunostinte... dintr.o data gandul imi fugise spre Karin, pe care nu o observasem. Incepusem sa o caut printre multime dar nici un rezultat, probabil nu reusise sa ajunga, imi spuneam in gand. Un zambet cunoscut si drag isi facuse aparitia din partea cealalta parte a camerei, era zambetul dulce al Mariei ( Mery , amica mea cea draga) de indata ne stransem in brate dupa care imi spusese :
-Nu stii cat de mult m.am bucurat cand am citit invitatia ta, ma bucur mult ca esti printre noi din nou !
-(ii zambisem ) Ma bucur si eu sa stii. (desii in gandurile mele nu era chiar asa)
-Stii am cunoscut o fata intr.una din ziele astea cu,ii povestisem m am intalnito si apoi de coincidenta de la magazin.
-Din nou ma bucur sa aud astfel de vesti de la tine, si inca o data ma imbratisase.
O privisem in ochi si puteam sa vad ca intradevar se bucurase pentru mine, era una din persoanele care nu era de acord cu deciziile pe care le luasem cu ceva timp in urma.
-Sa mergem sa bem ceva, ii propusesem.
-Cu siguranta, tot votka bautura noastra ?
-Tot votka mea de zii cu zii , draga mea Mery !
Incepusem sa dansam, Mery disparuse de langa mine, din nou ma cuprinsese un sentiment de nepotrivire in locul acela, era ciudat pentru ca eu organizasem totul; cred ca nu mai eram obisnuit cu lucrurile astea. Harmony imi facuse semn sa merg pana la ea;
Harmony : -Yo people , toata lumea sa ridice un pahar ! il avem aici pe Emm , omul care a facut posibil acesta seara. Bine ai venit printre noi din nou Emm, sa stii ca nu ai fost uitat.
Incepusera sa strige , sa fluiere si scandeze tot felu de amintiri ...Harmony imi intinse microfonul, ma trezisem cu el in mana, in fata oamenilor pe care ii cunosteam de.o viata, diferiti, schimbati ...
-Va multumesc ca ati venit, nu am prea multe cunvinte, suntem aici pentru a ne simtii bine asa ca nu fiti timizi, bautura si muzica vor curge pana in zorii diminetii ! Have phun people ! keep it funky !
Harmony imi dedicase urmatoarea piesa, era una din preferatele mele, „the world is mine” , era piesa cu care incepuse Digweed party.ul din Kristal, de unde nici noi nu lipsiseram ...
Ma pierdusem printre multime, unde toata lumea imi zambea, ma strageau in brate. Ajunsesem intr.o camera unde era mai liniste, era doar o canapea cu doi indragostiti, nici nu imi simtisera prezenta, si m.am bucurat mult, aveam din nou timpul doar pentru mine, pentru a ma gandii. Am ramas acolo pana cand vreo trei fosti colegi de liceu ma luasera pe sus si incepusera sa.mi toarne votka pe gat, chiar si la propriu.
Soarele incepusera sa rasara, multi dintre invitati adormisera intinsi unul peste altul, multi plecasera ... muzica incepuse sa se linisteasca, Harmony venise si imi multumise inca o data, dupa care isi luase ramas bun si plecase.
Era 7 dimineata , cand in casa mai ramasesera doar mizerea si sentimentul acela de dupa perecere. Incepusem sa adun dintre gunoaie, dadusem muzica mai tare, si nu auzisem usa, era Karin care de cateva minute nu facea altceva decat sa ma priveasca. Ma intorsesem si o vazusem, la inceput credeam ca e doar imaginatia mea bogata si obosita dupa asa petrecere.
-Se pare ca am ajuns prea tarziu, afirmase Karin.
Nu am facut nimic decat sa zambesc ...
-Ce zici de un micdejun la mine, intrebase Karin.
-Hm ... curatenia mai poate sa astepte putin, dar asteapta.ma putin sa fac un dus si mergem.
-Ia.ti doar haine cu tine, o sa.l faci la mine , imi raspunsese.
-Ok , am zis .
Ne suisem in masina si pornisem.
-Chiar vroiam sa ajung la petrecere dar am fost prinsa in niste treburi la servici, abia la ora 6 terminasem.
-A fost chiar o petrecere frumoasa, i.am raspuns, cred ca toata lumea a avut parte de clipe frumoase.
-Si tu ? cum te.ai simtit?
Eram prea obosit sa ii dau detalii despre cum ma simteam eu, in plus nici nu stia de perioada prin care ma schimbasem in cele ale gandirii.
-A fost frumos, pe multi nu.i mai vazuseram de mult timp.
-Uite ca am ajuns .Aici locuiesc eu.
Intrasem in apartament, era o curatenie fantastica si o simetrie interesanta a obiectelor decorative. O intrebasem despre familia ei, dar nu primisem nici un raspuns, incepuse sa.mi spuna ce o sa gateasca... renuntasem sa mai insist.
Urmase o zi pe care ne.am petrecuto impreuna, avusem cateva discutii interesante despre viata si asteptarile noastre de la ea. Observasem ca aveam multe in comun, si ma bucurasem ca am cunoscuto, parca exact cand aveam nevoie de cineva nou in viata mea cu care sa pot sa incep sa traiesc dupa noile mele idei.
Au trecut cateva saptamani de cand toate astea se intamplasera, acum eram impreuna tot timpul, chiar acum e in dreapta mea, mai doarme inca. Ma gasesc deseori dimineata privindui frumusetea. Lucrurile mergeau bine intre noi.
Apoi ma gandisem ca nu am mai fost acasa de cateva zile, obisnuiam in ultima vreme sa adorm langa Karin, sa ma trezesc langa zambetul ei dulce, sub privirea ei calda...
-Buna dimineata , imi spusese
-Buna , dupa care ii zambisem
Bausem o cafea pe terasa, apoi ne despartisem. Urma sa ne vedem mai spre seara. M.am indreptat spre casa, imi era dor de parinti. Ajunsesem , dar nu era nimeni; ma aruncasem in patul meu, imi dadusem drumul la muzica... ma afundasem in ganduri din nou pana cand am adormit ...
Ochii mi s.au deschis in dimineata urmatoare , trecusera 14 ore de cand dormeam. Imi verificasem telefonul era un mesaj de la Karin daca sunt bine si de ce nu dadusem vre.un semn ca nu o sa mai ajung la ea. Il ignoasem ... nu stiu nici eu de ce. Coborasem in bucatarie ptr micul dejun ce se trasformase intr.o cafea si o tigare la soare. Intrasem inapoi in casa, m.am surprins cu telefonul in mana cand aveam sentimentul ca blocasem timpul ptr a putea gandii ce sa fac cu telefonul , daca intradevar vroiam sa sun sau nu. Ma speriasem si ...confuz urcam scarile imaginandu.mi tot felul de lucruri, scarile devenisera niste pietre ale unei carari ce duceau intr.un loc inalt, asemenea unui munte acoperit de zapada, dar fara lipsa razelor de soare ...
Intr.o clipa totul revenise la normal, ma simteam ca iesit dintr.un vis dimineata la urletele ceasului care imi spunea ca e timpul sa ma trezesc:
-Buna dimineata ! ce faci ???
-Buna , raspunsesem , sunt bine Karin , adormisem ieri in camera mea si nu m.au mai trezit pana dimineata. Imi pare rau ca te.am facut sa ma astepti.
-Nu face nimic , dar totul e bine cu tine, are foarte palid si speriat putin.
-Nu , totul e normal cu mine , am fost putin ametit doar , probabil de la cafea si tigari, nici nu am mancat nimic ... Chiar ce zici sa gatim un mic dejun impreuna ? si tu areti cam abia trezita.
-Da , nu am apucat nici eu sa mananc.
Cand intrasem in bucatarie incepusem sa intru din nou in visul meu, aceleasi schimbari ciudate in jurul meu, era ca si cum ma aflam sub cerul liber, intr.o bucatarie de vara pe un munte alb dar calduros, de data asta era cu mine si Karin, vroiam sa o intreb daca si ea isi da seama ce se intampla, dar am ezitat ... se uita destul de ciudat la mine. Incercam sa ignor aceste , nici macar nu stiu cum sa le spun ... dar stiti si voi .
Aceiasi intrerupere brusca la sunetul soneriei, dar pana auzisem eu Karin deschisese deja postasului, ii trebuia o semnatura de la mine. Primisem un colet, nu avea expeditor.
Il aruncasem pe masa dupa care imi petrecusem cateva minute in bratele prietenei. Vroiam sa.i spun , dar in acel moment a avut ideea sa vedem ce e in colet.
Coborasem din nou in bucatarie, dar coletul nu se mai afla pe masa; urcasem din nou in camera, coletul era pe masuta din stanga calculatorului.O intrebasem pe Karin daca l.a adus ea in camera.
-Nu, eu nu am luat nimic de jos.
-Ciudat nu.mi amintesc cand sa.l fi adus , dar in fine ! Sa ne uitam ce e inauntru.
Il deschisesem, inauntru se afla un plic galbui ... l.am deschis imediat iar spre uimirea noastra nu se afla nimic. Ma enervasem putin, vroiam liniste, parca incepea sa imi doresc din nou libertatea mea deplina, contactul cu oamenii ma faceai agitat si confuz. I.am cerut lui Karin sa nu imi ceara sa ne vedem azi pe motivul ca vroiam sa fiu singur doar cu mine.
Mi.am luat playerul si borseta cu discurile preferate, in ghiozdan o patura, tigari, putin alcol si o sticla de suc, ceva de mancare, si ma indreptasem spre iesire. Telefonul suna, eram decis sa nu raspund dar parea a fi insistent. Raspunsesem :
-Alo ???
TTTtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Plecasem ... pe drum ma intrebasem cine putea sa fie, imi inchisesem mobilul ptr a nu fii deranjat. Soarele isi facea prezenta pe un cer de.un albastru misterios, verdele potecilor era viu. Ajunsesem pe dealul din afara orasului unde imi asezasem patura la umbra unui copac singuratic... imi aprinsesem o tigare cand acel verde se trasformase din nou intr.o zapada calda , copacul luase forma unei stanci usiase ... ramasesem uimit, confuz, speriat. Dintr.o data cineva se apropiase de mine, simteam o mana venita din spate pe umarul meu, apoi o voce imi spune :
„Cauta si vei gasi”
-Ce caut? Am intrebat dupa cateva secunde.
„Raspunsul”
-Dar ce intreb , am adaugat ;
Nu mai primisem nici un raspuns , dupa care un drumet ma readuce la realitate. Eram tulburat si confuz, priveam in jurul meu speriat, vroiam sa inteleg ce sunt cu aceste vise si nimic nu ma ajuta. Tineam in mana tigarea care nu se consumase mai deloc. Drumetul ma intrebase daca e totul in regula cu mine, ii raspunsesem ca totul e ok cu mine si de ce fiecare om ma intreaba asta . Drumetul isi ceruse scuze si plecase mai departe.
Ma asezasem pe patura, imi aprinsesem tigarea cu multa pofta, apoi luasem din votka ce o adusesem si imi turnasem jumatate din pahar, imi pusem castile pe urechi , ochelarii pe ochi si ma lasasem pe spate.
Vroiam sa se termine totul, sa ma desprind din aceasta lume, vroiam ca nimic sa conteze iar tot ce exista sa se trasforme in gol. Priveam acum spre oras, peisajul imi dadea un calm interior minunat. Mi.am spus ca totul o sa fie asa cum o sa vreau, nimic nu ma poate opri din a fii ceea ce voi deveni. Vroiam sa fiu lasat in pace din nou, dezinteresul fata de viata, lume, prieteni, familie isi facea aparenta din nou in gandurile mele. Incercasem sa ma ridic, dar ceva ma tinea acolo, imi spunea sa mai raman.
-You have a message !
Telefonul imi sunase, ciudat din nou, imi aduceam aminte perfect cand il inchisem, l.am scos din buzunar si citesem : „vino la mine , karin”. Era exact ce nu aveam nevoie acum, eram foarte hotarat sa ma trasform intr.un nonom. Vroiam sa fiu sincer, dar Karin merita un fel de explicatie.
Pornisem pe drum, ma gandeam cum sa ii prezint ceea ce se intampla cu mine, adevarul poate ca nu l.ar intelege, de mintit nu merita sa fie mintita ...
Am ajuns la Karin ... ne.am asejat pe patul care imi starnea atatea amintiri placuta, mi se derulau in cap amintiri si zambete pe care aveam de gand sa le uit si sa ma gandesc doar la mine, ptr cateva secunde vroiam sa renunt la tot ce imi propusesem inainte, dar apoi am privit in ochii ei si mi.am dat seama ca e prea tarziu sa ma intorc, puteam sa vad cum stia ce v.a urma, puteam sa vad in ochii ei dezamagire.
Vroiam sa.i spun si sa se termine totul, dar cuvintele imi ramaneau blocate undeva in gat, i.am cerut un pix si o bucata de hartie, ii scrisesem ca vroiam sa terminam si sa incetam sa ne mai vedem, lacrimile imi curgeau pe hartie.Reactia ei erau lacrimi, cu toate ca era ranita ma strangea in brate ca si cum as fii murit.
Imi luasem ramas bun, fara a.mi stapanii emotiile, ii promisesem ca o sa mai vin sa o vizitez, si ca nu vreau sa ma uite.
Cateva zile am stat in casa, in camera mea, imi adunasem toate lucrurile care imi aminteau de Karin.
Trecuse cel putin 7 saptamani de cand toate acestea si inca mai simteam lipsa ei, dar nu mai era nimic de facut acum, trebuie sa raman ptr ideile mele. Ma aflam in parc, printr.o coincidenta Karin se afla pe banca unde ne vazusem prima oara. Am mers acolo, nu ma observase...
-Pot sa ma asez ?
Fara a privii cine e a raspuns foarte sec „Da” . Imi scosesem o tigare dupa care o intrebasem :
-Fumezi?si ii intinsem pachetul
Ma privise si imi spusese:
-N.am lasat... (dupa care isi vazuse de treaba.)
Era foarte ciudat se comporta ca si cum nu isi aducea aminte de mine.
-Nu te supara, deranjez ?
-Nu chiar deloc, incepusem sa ma plictisesc oricum.
-Si nu iti aduci aminte deloc de mine ?
-Ne cunoastem? Ma intrebase ...
-Cum adica daca ne cunoastem ? am fost impreuna foarte mult timp, am promis sa ne aducem aminte unul de altul cu bucurie, chiar nu iti aduci aminte ? au trecut doar cateva luni de atunci ...
-Cred ca ma confunzi , nu am avut prieten pana acum.
Incepusem sa ma enervez, nu mai intelegeam nimic...nu stiam ce sa mai spun ...
-Daca vrei ne.am putea intalnii maine seara, la ora 19, aici, pe banca aceasta, iar apoi vom vedea ce vom face. Ce zici?
Nu stiam ce sa raspund, dar avand in vedere situatia ciudata in care ma aflam am acceptat, oricum stiam mai toate lucrurile care ii faceau placere. Mi.am facut un plan, ii cumparasem un bughet de crini albi, asa cum ii placeau si cum ii daruisem la inceputul relatiei.
Timpul parca zburase si era deja 18:20 a doua zi. Aveam un sentiment foarte ciudat, priveam drumul, locurile, copacii, cerul, vanzatorii de inghetata, era ca si cum totul se repeta, iar acest sentiment ma coplesea. Resusisem sa ma adun chiar inainte sa ajung la banca. Era deja acolo.
-Buna !
-Buna Emm, te astept de cateva minute, ma bucur mult ca ai venit.
M.am asezat si eu, am inceput sa vb...Totul parca se rupea dintr.o alta viata pe care o mai traisem, dupa cateva ore puteam sa stiu ce are sa ma intrebe, sau ce subiect va deschide. Era prea ciudat chiar si ptr un om asa de ciudat ca mine. Se facuse tarziu si am propus sa ne indreptam spre casa. Era obosita si a vrut sa luam un taxi.
-Pe str Crinilor nr 7 va rog, ii spusesem taximetristului.
-De unde stii unde locuiesc ??? ( mi se adresase foarte mirata )
- Eeee , e o poveste lunga, poate am sa.ti spun intr.o zii ...
Nu am mai cautat.o niciodata, trecusera o iarna si apoi o primavara, adevarat este ca ma gandeam la ea in fiecare zii, dar situatia devenise prea complicata si bizara ptr mine. Nu mai stiam cine sunt si cu ce fel de oameni am de.a.face ... am inceput din nou sa ma retrag in mine, sa nu mai ies, sa nu prea mai am contact cu oameni.
Ring Ring , soneria ma atentiona ca e cineva la usa, fug repede si deschid, era postasul, imi intinsese o scrisoare ... era ptr mine.
Urcasem sus in camera si o aruncasem pe pat, ptr ca nu avea un expeditor. Stateam la biroul meu cand imi adusesem aminte de scrisoare, o deschid si surpriza : foile erau albe, dar 7 la numar. Nu mai intelegeam nimic si totul devenea enervant.
Am incercat sa ignor toate astea, ma gandeam la Karin, credeam ca ea e cea care mi.a trimis foile albe, un fel de semn ca se gandea la mine dar nu stia ce sa.mi spuna, oricum ce mai conta acum, totul era un hazard in viata mea, si mai ales in interiorul meu, nu.mi puteam gasii linistea, nu.mi puteam gasii gandurile pana in ziua in care am zis ca trebuie sa fac ceva. Am decis sa merg sa vb cu ea, era cel mai bine, sa.i arat poze, poezii, scrisori, toate amintirile pe care le aveam cu ea, sa.i spun ce mult ne.am iubit si sa inchei odata tot misterul acesta care ma innebunea.
Ajunsesem pe Crinilor 7, surprins sa fiu ca acolo nu mai locuia nimeni de caetva saptamani, intrebasem vecinii iar ei au spus ca s.au mutat acum 5 saptamani, ptr ca fata era bolnava si trebuia de urgenta tinuta sub supraveghere medicala, iar spitalul din acest oras nu avea o sectie ptr ce probleme aveau. Intrebasem daca nu cumva stiu unde s.au mutat, sau care e spitalul in care fusese internata. Din pacate a ramas un mister ptr noi toti.
Am stat si m.am intrebat, ce.i de facut acum? Ce mai puteam face? Nu mai intelegeam nimic din toata povestea asta, aveam nevoie de un nou inceput, de o noua viata. Adunasem toate lucrurile care aveam legatura sau imi aduceau aminte de Karin. Se adunase cateva cutii pe care le pusesem in pod. Ma aruncasem in pat, putin obosit ...cand observasem scrisoarea cu foile albe, vroiam sa o arunc, cand ceva m.a impins sa o redeschid. Iar prima pagina nu mai era goala :
Draga Emm
Imi pare rau ca trebuie sa imi iau ramas bun de la tine astfel, dar nu am incotro.
Cred ca trebuie sa intelegi si tu ce se petrece, ptr ca asa e cel mai cinstit. Eu sufar
de o boala foarte rara, dupa o perioada de timp amintirile mele se pierd, si uit totul
E foarte ciudat si nu prea stiu ce sa iti spun, parintii mei mi.au spus ca ne iubeam
mult si ca impreuna eram o echipa ca si perfecta.
As vrea sa ma ierti ptr tot si sa.ti aduci aminte de mine cu drag, asa cum ne promisesem ...
De.a lungul zilelor, foile incepeau sa se umple cu gandurile ei pana la final unde se semnase :
Cu dragoste , Karin !
Sa ma prezint : “Ma numesc Emm , am 18 ani ,m.am nascut in Sighisoara in a 7a zii a primaverii lui 1984 .Nu mai era mult cand si se aproprie schimbarea , se apropiase ; totul devenea nemultumitor . Un nou loc , o noua privire asupra lucrurilor trebuia sa fie suportata ! Era inceputul celui de.al doilea semestru, inca nu ma obisnuisem cu programul strict .Iesirile seara , si pierderea timpului cu distractia faceau toate parte din decorul cercului in care ma aflam .Nopti perfecte de muzica in care ne gaseam dansand ore intregi, iesiri, petreceri, festivale ... noi cunostinte ... erau lucrurile care imi caracterizau viziunea asupra lucrurilor.O noua atitudine si o nou perspectiva urma sa ma intampine ; trebuia sa fiu atent unde o sa aleg sa fiu .
Zile in care mereu gandurile imi erau preocupate cu gasirea unei alte lumi deveneau frecvente stari de spirit , incepusem sa ma obisnuiesc sa nu mai fie nimeni,nimic in jurul meu .Nu aveam nevoie sa fiu in preajma nimanui ;singuratatea era un loc in care incepusem sa ma simt bine , sa traiesc dupa proprile ganduri , dupa noile certitudini care deveneau .Majoritatea timpului mi.l petrecusem in camera , de multe ori in fata calculatorului , la birou sau intins pe pat ascultand muzica .Comunicam putin cu prieteni , cunostinte , colegi ;tot ce faceam era sa vb cu mine insumi ,sa.mi ordonez lucrurile in cap.
Erau putine persoane cu care mai puteam vb .Mery era una dintre prietenele mele cu care imi placea la nebunie sa ies , intotdeauna ne simteam bine.Nu mai vb cu ea de cateva zile , vroiam sa o sun , dar ceva ma oprea , vroiam doar sa fiu singur !In cele din urma am pus mana pe telefon si am sunat ; nu o gasisem acasa , le.am spus parintilor ei sa nu ii spuna ca am sunat , si ca o sa o caut eu mai incolo .Trecusera inca cateva zile in care nu am avut contact cu nici un fel de persoana .La scoala incercam sa nu vorbesc mai nimic , raspunsurile erau scurte , la obiect .Nu ziceam nimic mai mult decat ce eram intrebat .
Asa trecuse 3 luni , erau cateva zile pana la incheierea anului . Plecasem de la cateva ore ptr a ma bucura de cerul senin , plimbandu.ma in parcul orasului . Ma oprisem pe o banca ptr a savura o tigare . Imi terminasem tigarea cand o fata imi ceruse permisiunea de a sta pe aceiasi banca ; ma uitasem in jur , erau destule banci libere ... dar ii spusesem ca poate sa se aseze . Isi luase din ghiozdan o carte , incepuse sa citeasca . Incercam sa imi vad ce propriile ganduri , dar ceva ma atragea in a o privii . Ma gandisem ca e doar din cauza singuratatii in care traisem in ultimele luni .Imi aprinsesem inca o tigare ... Fata isi scoase si ea un paghet de tigari dupa care mi se adresase :
-Imi poti da si mie un foc ?
-Da , ii intinsem bricheta ...
-Multumesc , raspunse inapoi .Observasem ca fumam aceleasi tigari .Dupa cateva fumuri mi se adresase din nou :
-Si ce faci aici de unul singur?
-Incerc sa ma bucur de liniste , de soare ... de o zii frumoasa !
-Imi cer scuze daca te.am deranjat , si isi dechise din nou cartea si incepu sa citeasca .Vroiam sa.i spun ca nu ma deranjase , lucru de care chiar eu ma mirasem,dar am ezitat si mi.am continuat fumatul „in liniste” .Trecuse cam jumatate de ora , imi ceruse din nou un foc , pe care i l.am dat .Indraznisem sa o intreb :
-Ce citesti acolo ?
-Celebra carte a lui Coelio , „Alchimistul” .
-Nu am apucat niciodata sa o citesc , dar am auzit ca e foarte interesanta.
-Desii sunt doar la inceput , mi se pare atractiva pana acum.
Vroiam sa o intreb cum se numeste , lucru pe care l.a anticipat :
-Eu sunt Karin , imi intinse mana ...
-Emm ...
-Imi pare bine , ii spusese , lucru de care imi parea si mie de fel , dar nu ii spusesem .Mai fumasem inca patru tigari , timp in care schimbasem cateva cuvinte. Incepusem sa imi dau seama cat de mult imi lipsise comunicarea .Vroiam sa.i multumesc ca s.a asezat langa mine , ca mi.a cerut foc si ca a vorbit cu mine. Imi luasem la revedere si pornisem spre casa .Ajuns in camera mea , ma aruncasem in fata calculatorului .Imi deschisem adresa de mail si trimisesem un mesaj la toti vechii prieteni : „In aceasta sambata va invit la petrecere , dupa ora 22 va astept @ my place ! semnat Emm” .
Era weekendul in care parintii mei plecau cu treburi la tara . Din nou spre surprinderea mea deseori mintea imi fugea la Karin , fata care se asezase langa mine pe banca ; vroiam ca si ea sa vina la petrecerea mea . Nu stiam mai nimic despre ea , nici la ce liceu invata , nici unde locuieste ... Eram foarte hotarat sa o reintalnesc .A doua zii ma dusesem in parc, unde am ramas pe aceeasi banca cateva ore , imi luasem si o carte cu mine ptr a nu ma plictisi , era „Alchimistul” .Ma plictisisem sa astept , ma uitam mai mereu in jur cu speranta ca privirea mea sa o reintalneasca din nou .Decisem sa plec , si sa revin a doua zii . Nu eram foarte sigur de ce era sa fac in continuare , incepusem sa ma plimb , cutreieram strazile doar din plictiseala .Imi propusem sa merg la cumparaturi , ptr a pregatii unele lucruri ptr petrecere . Intrasem in magazinul Funny Things .La tejghea nu se afla nimeni , asa ca incepusem sa ma uit printre lucruri , imi alesesem niste lumini ptr petrecere , erau de culoare albastra .Mai luasem cateva lumanari , niste betigase parfumate , ceva cd.uri cu muzica mai noua ... si ma indreptasem spre tejghea.Tot nu era nimeni , am lasat lucrurile acolo si mai aruncasem niste priviri prin imprejur .
-Buna ziua , cu ce va pot ajuta !
-As dorii sa ....... buna karin , cata coincidenta , chiar incercasem sa dau de tine , in aceasta sambata se da o petrecere la mine acasa , uite aici ai adresa mea ( ii dadusem cartea de vizita ) mi.ar placea mult sa vii ! ăăă ... Si as dorii sa platesc lucrurile acestea !
-Totul face XXXX ... ! cat pentru sambata nu stiu ce sa zic , am sa incerc sa imi fac putin timp ...dar nu promit nimic.
Am inghitit in sec raspunsul pentru ca nu era unul pe care il asteptam , dar oricum ce mai conta acum , cand am reintalnito si stiam unde sa o gasesc? Plecasem, soarele incepuse sa apuna cand ma aflam intr.un punct inalt al orasului de unde privelisea se confunda in orizont ... Un aer optimist ma cumprisese.
Incercasem sa nu ma mai gandesc si sa las totul pe cursul valului, era sambata dimineata cand incepusem decoratiile , dupa 3-4 ore totul era pregatit; mai erau putine ore pana cand invitatii trebuiau sa apara. Ma imbracasem foarte comod, puteam spune ca am putine emotii, erau multe luni de cand nu mai comunicasem cu oameni. Era ora zece si 3 minute cand soneria usii imi atragea atentia ca cineva asteapta sa intre. Deschisem, nu puteam sa cred, era Chris, un bun amic de.al meu de care uitasem in perioada schimbarii. L.am servit cu o bere, dupa care ne aruncasem intr.o canapea in care am vb despre lucruriile pe care le.am mai facut de cand nu mai vorbisem. Ii explicasem prin ce ganduri am trecut, sentimentele de retragere in singuratate si asteptarile mele care nu ii erau cunoscute; trecuse o ora, nici nu observaem dar casa incepuse sa fie plina de oameni care odata imi erau dragi, dar cum stateam si ma uitam printre multimea care incepuse sa arate ca un grup de raveri care nu mai puteau fii scosi din lumea dansului in care ii afundea din ce in ce mai mult dj Harmony, intelegeam ca dintre toti de.acolo erau putini pe care ii mai consideram cat de cat amici, cunostinte... dintr.o data gandul imi fugise spre Karin, pe care nu o observasem. Incepusem sa o caut printre multime dar nici un rezultat, probabil nu reusise sa ajunga, imi spuneam in gand. Un zambet cunoscut si drag isi facuse aparitia din partea cealalta parte a camerei, era zambetul dulce al Mariei ( Mery , amica mea cea draga) de indata ne stransem in brate dupa care imi spusese :
-Nu stii cat de mult m.am bucurat cand am citit invitatia ta, ma bucur mult ca esti printre noi din nou !
-(ii zambisem ) Ma bucur si eu sa stii. (desii in gandurile mele nu era chiar asa)
-Stii am cunoscut o fata intr.una din ziele astea cu,ii povestisem m am intalnito si apoi de coincidenta de la magazin.
-Din nou ma bucur sa aud astfel de vesti de la tine, si inca o data ma imbratisase.
O privisem in ochi si puteam sa vad ca intradevar se bucurase pentru mine, era una din persoanele care nu era de acord cu deciziile pe care le luasem cu ceva timp in urma.
-Sa mergem sa bem ceva, ii propusesem.
-Cu siguranta, tot votka bautura noastra ?
-Tot votka mea de zii cu zii , draga mea Mery !
Incepusem sa dansam, Mery disparuse de langa mine, din nou ma cuprinsese un sentiment de nepotrivire in locul acela, era ciudat pentru ca eu organizasem totul; cred ca nu mai eram obisnuit cu lucrurile astea. Harmony imi facuse semn sa merg pana la ea;
Harmony : -Yo people , toata lumea sa ridice un pahar ! il avem aici pe Emm , omul care a facut posibil acesta seara. Bine ai venit printre noi din nou Emm, sa stii ca nu ai fost uitat.
Incepusera sa strige , sa fluiere si scandeze tot felu de amintiri ...Harmony imi intinse microfonul, ma trezisem cu el in mana, in fata oamenilor pe care ii cunosteam de.o viata, diferiti, schimbati ...
-Va multumesc ca ati venit, nu am prea multe cunvinte, suntem aici pentru a ne simtii bine asa ca nu fiti timizi, bautura si muzica vor curge pana in zorii diminetii ! Have phun people ! keep it funky !
Harmony imi dedicase urmatoarea piesa, era una din preferatele mele, „the world is mine” , era piesa cu care incepuse Digweed party.ul din Kristal, de unde nici noi nu lipsiseram ...
Ma pierdusem printre multime, unde toata lumea imi zambea, ma strageau in brate. Ajunsesem intr.o camera unde era mai liniste, era doar o canapea cu doi indragostiti, nici nu imi simtisera prezenta, si m.am bucurat mult, aveam din nou timpul doar pentru mine, pentru a ma gandii. Am ramas acolo pana cand vreo trei fosti colegi de liceu ma luasera pe sus si incepusera sa.mi toarne votka pe gat, chiar si la propriu.
Soarele incepusera sa rasara, multi dintre invitati adormisera intinsi unul peste altul, multi plecasera ... muzica incepuse sa se linisteasca, Harmony venise si imi multumise inca o data, dupa care isi luase ramas bun si plecase.
Era 7 dimineata , cand in casa mai ramasesera doar mizerea si sentimentul acela de dupa perecere. Incepusem sa adun dintre gunoaie, dadusem muzica mai tare, si nu auzisem usa, era Karin care de cateva minute nu facea altceva decat sa ma priveasca. Ma intorsesem si o vazusem, la inceput credeam ca e doar imaginatia mea bogata si obosita dupa asa petrecere.
-Se pare ca am ajuns prea tarziu, afirmase Karin.
Nu am facut nimic decat sa zambesc ...
-Ce zici de un micdejun la mine, intrebase Karin.
-Hm ... curatenia mai poate sa astepte putin, dar asteapta.ma putin sa fac un dus si mergem.
-Ia.ti doar haine cu tine, o sa.l faci la mine , imi raspunsese.
-Ok , am zis .
Ne suisem in masina si pornisem.
-Chiar vroiam sa ajung la petrecere dar am fost prinsa in niste treburi la servici, abia la ora 6 terminasem.
-A fost chiar o petrecere frumoasa, i.am raspuns, cred ca toata lumea a avut parte de clipe frumoase.
-Si tu ? cum te.ai simtit?
Eram prea obosit sa ii dau detalii despre cum ma simteam eu, in plus nici nu stia de perioada prin care ma schimbasem in cele ale gandirii.
-A fost frumos, pe multi nu.i mai vazuseram de mult timp.
-Uite ca am ajuns .Aici locuiesc eu.
Intrasem in apartament, era o curatenie fantastica si o simetrie interesanta a obiectelor decorative. O intrebasem despre familia ei, dar nu primisem nici un raspuns, incepuse sa.mi spuna ce o sa gateasca... renuntasem sa mai insist.
Urmase o zi pe care ne.am petrecuto impreuna, avusem cateva discutii interesante despre viata si asteptarile noastre de la ea. Observasem ca aveam multe in comun, si ma bucurasem ca am cunoscuto, parca exact cand aveam nevoie de cineva nou in viata mea cu care sa pot sa incep sa traiesc dupa noile mele idei.
Au trecut cateva saptamani de cand toate astea se intamplasera, acum eram impreuna tot timpul, chiar acum e in dreapta mea, mai doarme inca. Ma gasesc deseori dimineata privindui frumusetea. Lucrurile mergeau bine intre noi.
Apoi ma gandisem ca nu am mai fost acasa de cateva zile, obisnuiam in ultima vreme sa adorm langa Karin, sa ma trezesc langa zambetul ei dulce, sub privirea ei calda...
-Buna dimineata , imi spusese
-Buna , dupa care ii zambisem
Bausem o cafea pe terasa, apoi ne despartisem. Urma sa ne vedem mai spre seara. M.am indreptat spre casa, imi era dor de parinti. Ajunsesem , dar nu era nimeni; ma aruncasem in patul meu, imi dadusem drumul la muzica... ma afundasem in ganduri din nou pana cand am adormit ...
Ochii mi s.au deschis in dimineata urmatoare , trecusera 14 ore de cand dormeam. Imi verificasem telefonul era un mesaj de la Karin daca sunt bine si de ce nu dadusem vre.un semn ca nu o sa mai ajung la ea. Il ignoasem ... nu stiu nici eu de ce. Coborasem in bucatarie ptr micul dejun ce se trasformase intr.o cafea si o tigare la soare. Intrasem inapoi in casa, m.am surprins cu telefonul in mana cand aveam sentimentul ca blocasem timpul ptr a putea gandii ce sa fac cu telefonul , daca intradevar vroiam sa sun sau nu. Ma speriasem si ...confuz urcam scarile imaginandu.mi tot felul de lucruri, scarile devenisera niste pietre ale unei carari ce duceau intr.un loc inalt, asemenea unui munte acoperit de zapada, dar fara lipsa razelor de soare ...
Intr.o clipa totul revenise la normal, ma simteam ca iesit dintr.un vis dimineata la urletele ceasului care imi spunea ca e timpul sa ma trezesc:
-Buna dimineata ! ce faci ???
-Buna , raspunsesem , sunt bine Karin , adormisem ieri in camera mea si nu m.au mai trezit pana dimineata. Imi pare rau ca te.am facut sa ma astepti.
-Nu face nimic , dar totul e bine cu tine, are foarte palid si speriat putin.
-Nu , totul e normal cu mine , am fost putin ametit doar , probabil de la cafea si tigari, nici nu am mancat nimic ... Chiar ce zici sa gatim un mic dejun impreuna ? si tu areti cam abia trezita.
-Da , nu am apucat nici eu sa mananc.
Cand intrasem in bucatarie incepusem sa intru din nou in visul meu, aceleasi schimbari ciudate in jurul meu, era ca si cum ma aflam sub cerul liber, intr.o bucatarie de vara pe un munte alb dar calduros, de data asta era cu mine si Karin, vroiam sa o intreb daca si ea isi da seama ce se intampla, dar am ezitat ... se uita destul de ciudat la mine. Incercam sa ignor aceste , nici macar nu stiu cum sa le spun ... dar stiti si voi .
Aceiasi intrerupere brusca la sunetul soneriei, dar pana auzisem eu Karin deschisese deja postasului, ii trebuia o semnatura de la mine. Primisem un colet, nu avea expeditor.
Il aruncasem pe masa dupa care imi petrecusem cateva minute in bratele prietenei. Vroiam sa.i spun , dar in acel moment a avut ideea sa vedem ce e in colet.
Coborasem din nou in bucatarie, dar coletul nu se mai afla pe masa; urcasem din nou in camera, coletul era pe masuta din stanga calculatorului.O intrebasem pe Karin daca l.a adus ea in camera.
-Nu, eu nu am luat nimic de jos.
-Ciudat nu.mi amintesc cand sa.l fi adus , dar in fine ! Sa ne uitam ce e inauntru.
Il deschisesem, inauntru se afla un plic galbui ... l.am deschis imediat iar spre uimirea noastra nu se afla nimic. Ma enervasem putin, vroiam liniste, parca incepea sa imi doresc din nou libertatea mea deplina, contactul cu oamenii ma faceai agitat si confuz. I.am cerut lui Karin sa nu imi ceara sa ne vedem azi pe motivul ca vroiam sa fiu singur doar cu mine.
Mi.am luat playerul si borseta cu discurile preferate, in ghiozdan o patura, tigari, putin alcol si o sticla de suc, ceva de mancare, si ma indreptasem spre iesire. Telefonul suna, eram decis sa nu raspund dar parea a fi insistent. Raspunsesem :
-Alo ???
TTTtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Plecasem ... pe drum ma intrebasem cine putea sa fie, imi inchisesem mobilul ptr a nu fii deranjat. Soarele isi facea prezenta pe un cer de.un albastru misterios, verdele potecilor era viu. Ajunsesem pe dealul din afara orasului unde imi asezasem patura la umbra unui copac singuratic... imi aprinsesem o tigare cand acel verde se trasformase din nou intr.o zapada calda , copacul luase forma unei stanci usiase ... ramasesem uimit, confuz, speriat. Dintr.o data cineva se apropiase de mine, simteam o mana venita din spate pe umarul meu, apoi o voce imi spune :
„Cauta si vei gasi”
-Ce caut? Am intrebat dupa cateva secunde.
„Raspunsul”
-Dar ce intreb , am adaugat ;
Nu mai primisem nici un raspuns , dupa care un drumet ma readuce la realitate. Eram tulburat si confuz, priveam in jurul meu speriat, vroiam sa inteleg ce sunt cu aceste vise si nimic nu ma ajuta. Tineam in mana tigarea care nu se consumase mai deloc. Drumetul ma intrebase daca e totul in regula cu mine, ii raspunsesem ca totul e ok cu mine si de ce fiecare om ma intreaba asta . Drumetul isi ceruse scuze si plecase mai departe.
Ma asezasem pe patura, imi aprinsesem tigarea cu multa pofta, apoi luasem din votka ce o adusesem si imi turnasem jumatate din pahar, imi pusem castile pe urechi , ochelarii pe ochi si ma lasasem pe spate.
Vroiam sa se termine totul, sa ma desprind din aceasta lume, vroiam ca nimic sa conteze iar tot ce exista sa se trasforme in gol. Priveam acum spre oras, peisajul imi dadea un calm interior minunat. Mi.am spus ca totul o sa fie asa cum o sa vreau, nimic nu ma poate opri din a fii ceea ce voi deveni. Vroiam sa fiu lasat in pace din nou, dezinteresul fata de viata, lume, prieteni, familie isi facea aparenta din nou in gandurile mele. Incercasem sa ma ridic, dar ceva ma tinea acolo, imi spunea sa mai raman.
-You have a message !
Telefonul imi sunase, ciudat din nou, imi aduceam aminte perfect cand il inchisem, l.am scos din buzunar si citesem : „vino la mine , karin”. Era exact ce nu aveam nevoie acum, eram foarte hotarat sa ma trasform intr.un nonom. Vroiam sa fiu sincer, dar Karin merita un fel de explicatie.
Pornisem pe drum, ma gandeam cum sa ii prezint ceea ce se intampla cu mine, adevarul poate ca nu l.ar intelege, de mintit nu merita sa fie mintita ...
Am ajuns la Karin ... ne.am asejat pe patul care imi starnea atatea amintiri placuta, mi se derulau in cap amintiri si zambete pe care aveam de gand sa le uit si sa ma gandesc doar la mine, ptr cateva secunde vroiam sa renunt la tot ce imi propusesem inainte, dar apoi am privit in ochii ei si mi.am dat seama ca e prea tarziu sa ma intorc, puteam sa vad cum stia ce v.a urma, puteam sa vad in ochii ei dezamagire.
Vroiam sa.i spun si sa se termine totul, dar cuvintele imi ramaneau blocate undeva in gat, i.am cerut un pix si o bucata de hartie, ii scrisesem ca vroiam sa terminam si sa incetam sa ne mai vedem, lacrimile imi curgeau pe hartie.Reactia ei erau lacrimi, cu toate ca era ranita ma strangea in brate ca si cum as fii murit.
Imi luasem ramas bun, fara a.mi stapanii emotiile, ii promisesem ca o sa mai vin sa o vizitez, si ca nu vreau sa ma uite.
Cateva zile am stat in casa, in camera mea, imi adunasem toate lucrurile care imi aminteau de Karin.
Trecuse cel putin 7 saptamani de cand toate acestea si inca mai simteam lipsa ei, dar nu mai era nimic de facut acum, trebuie sa raman ptr ideile mele. Ma aflam in parc, printr.o coincidenta Karin se afla pe banca unde ne vazusem prima oara. Am mers acolo, nu ma observase...
-Pot sa ma asez ?
Fara a privii cine e a raspuns foarte sec „Da” . Imi scosesem o tigare dupa care o intrebasem :
-Fumezi?si ii intinsem pachetul
Ma privise si imi spusese:
-N.am lasat... (dupa care isi vazuse de treaba.)
Era foarte ciudat se comporta ca si cum nu isi aducea aminte de mine.
-Nu te supara, deranjez ?
-Nu chiar deloc, incepusem sa ma plictisesc oricum.
-Si nu iti aduci aminte deloc de mine ?
-Ne cunoastem? Ma intrebase ...
-Cum adica daca ne cunoastem ? am fost impreuna foarte mult timp, am promis sa ne aducem aminte unul de altul cu bucurie, chiar nu iti aduci aminte ? au trecut doar cateva luni de atunci ...
-Cred ca ma confunzi , nu am avut prieten pana acum.
Incepusem sa ma enervez, nu mai intelegeam nimic...nu stiam ce sa mai spun ...
-Daca vrei ne.am putea intalnii maine seara, la ora 19, aici, pe banca aceasta, iar apoi vom vedea ce vom face. Ce zici?
Nu stiam ce sa raspund, dar avand in vedere situatia ciudata in care ma aflam am acceptat, oricum stiam mai toate lucrurile care ii faceau placere. Mi.am facut un plan, ii cumparasem un bughet de crini albi, asa cum ii placeau si cum ii daruisem la inceputul relatiei.
Timpul parca zburase si era deja 18:20 a doua zi. Aveam un sentiment foarte ciudat, priveam drumul, locurile, copacii, cerul, vanzatorii de inghetata, era ca si cum totul se repeta, iar acest sentiment ma coplesea. Resusisem sa ma adun chiar inainte sa ajung la banca. Era deja acolo.
-Buna !
-Buna Emm, te astept de cateva minute, ma bucur mult ca ai venit.
M.am asezat si eu, am inceput sa vb...Totul parca se rupea dintr.o alta viata pe care o mai traisem, dupa cateva ore puteam sa stiu ce are sa ma intrebe, sau ce subiect va deschide. Era prea ciudat chiar si ptr un om asa de ciudat ca mine. Se facuse tarziu si am propus sa ne indreptam spre casa. Era obosita si a vrut sa luam un taxi.
-Pe str Crinilor nr 7 va rog, ii spusesem taximetristului.
-De unde stii unde locuiesc ??? ( mi se adresase foarte mirata )
- Eeee , e o poveste lunga, poate am sa.ti spun intr.o zii ...
Nu am mai cautat.o niciodata, trecusera o iarna si apoi o primavara, adevarat este ca ma gandeam la ea in fiecare zii, dar situatia devenise prea complicata si bizara ptr mine. Nu mai stiam cine sunt si cu ce fel de oameni am de.a.face ... am inceput din nou sa ma retrag in mine, sa nu mai ies, sa nu prea mai am contact cu oameni.
Ring Ring , soneria ma atentiona ca e cineva la usa, fug repede si deschid, era postasul, imi intinsese o scrisoare ... era ptr mine.
Urcasem sus in camera si o aruncasem pe pat, ptr ca nu avea un expeditor. Stateam la biroul meu cand imi adusesem aminte de scrisoare, o deschid si surpriza : foile erau albe, dar 7 la numar. Nu mai intelegeam nimic si totul devenea enervant.
Am incercat sa ignor toate astea, ma gandeam la Karin, credeam ca ea e cea care mi.a trimis foile albe, un fel de semn ca se gandea la mine dar nu stia ce sa.mi spuna, oricum ce mai conta acum, totul era un hazard in viata mea, si mai ales in interiorul meu, nu.mi puteam gasii linistea, nu.mi puteam gasii gandurile pana in ziua in care am zis ca trebuie sa fac ceva. Am decis sa merg sa vb cu ea, era cel mai bine, sa.i arat poze, poezii, scrisori, toate amintirile pe care le aveam cu ea, sa.i spun ce mult ne.am iubit si sa inchei odata tot misterul acesta care ma innebunea.
Ajunsesem pe Crinilor 7, surprins sa fiu ca acolo nu mai locuia nimeni de caetva saptamani, intrebasem vecinii iar ei au spus ca s.au mutat acum 5 saptamani, ptr ca fata era bolnava si trebuia de urgenta tinuta sub supraveghere medicala, iar spitalul din acest oras nu avea o sectie ptr ce probleme aveau. Intrebasem daca nu cumva stiu unde s.au mutat, sau care e spitalul in care fusese internata. Din pacate a ramas un mister ptr noi toti.
Am stat si m.am intrebat, ce.i de facut acum? Ce mai puteam face? Nu mai intelegeam nimic din toata povestea asta, aveam nevoie de un nou inceput, de o noua viata. Adunasem toate lucrurile care aveam legatura sau imi aduceau aminte de Karin. Se adunase cateva cutii pe care le pusesem in pod. Ma aruncasem in pat, putin obosit ...cand observasem scrisoarea cu foile albe, vroiam sa o arunc, cand ceva m.a impins sa o redeschid. Iar prima pagina nu mai era goala :
Draga Emm
Imi pare rau ca trebuie sa imi iau ramas bun de la tine astfel, dar nu am incotro.
Cred ca trebuie sa intelegi si tu ce se petrece, ptr ca asa e cel mai cinstit. Eu sufar
de o boala foarte rara, dupa o perioada de timp amintirile mele se pierd, si uit totul
E foarte ciudat si nu prea stiu ce sa iti spun, parintii mei mi.au spus ca ne iubeam
mult si ca impreuna eram o echipa ca si perfecta.
As vrea sa ma ierti ptr tot si sa.ti aduci aminte de mine cu drag, asa cum ne promisesem ...
De.a lungul zilelor, foile incepeau sa se umple cu gandurile ei pana la final unde se semnase :
Cu dragoste , Karin !
vineri, 3 septembrie 2010
with love
chapter one : how it starts
I felt in love for the second time. I've met her in a place where the party was on mostly every second; the first time I've saw her I've told to myself that she had to be mine at least for that night. in my opinion I'm a shy person when it's about girls, so I never tried to do much. I was looking at her every time that she couldn't notice, and after a while I've said to myself just go and ask for a kiss. what else can happen? maybe you'll get it said the optimistic part of me. I got rejected of course by a reason that should have been oviost, she had a bf. The night was almost over and because of a picture I took I've got her attention. I've got as well the kiss I wanted and then she was just gone. I can't remember when I've talked to her again, but my memories takes me to the second moment i had an important sign for her. I was a simple one, she was coming back to Amsterdam with some friends and asked me to hook them up with an entrance to one of the clubs my party was corporating with. I was more then happy to help her but didn't understood why she didn't want to come in my crawl. I've let it like this and didn't get any sign from her till late in the night. I was at this ultimate indie party and already a bit dizzy. when I got her MSG I was sitting upstairs smoking a cigar near the window. I've saw her straight away and direct her to the entrance. i went down to put them inside and there everything started. she was wearing a very hot top, black, and u could almost saw her tits. I was incredible attracted to her but tried to be cool; around other 6 guys it was kinda wired to approach her but after we dance and the party was one our connection was on. we end up to the place I was sleeping pretty drunk but I had a gr8 feeling inside; I didn't know then that all this will gonna lead me on the path of true love but I can say now that it was one of the best things that happen to me in the last 5 years; after she left we started to talk more and as well to realize how wonderful and amazing we make each other feel. we spent another 7 day together in April and then I know for sure that she is my girl; we planed things and made them happen and soon we will start a new life together. a life that in my hopes it last forever an ever. I love her and miss her every second.
chapter two : together again
I got up early that day just to get myself ready for my first real date with the girl that turned my world up side down in the sweetest way possible. I got to the office earlier and found my colleague waiting in front of the door. Seemed like the office was closed so I decided to run to the flower market. I wanted to get the most beautiful flower for her. It was strange that I wasn't happy with how beautiful they were, because they had to be as beautiful as her. In the end I pick up these white roses and went back to work. It was already two and I decided to go to the Central station to take a train and head to the airport. I didn't know how I felt. It was all to intense and in a way so unreal. I had all the time the impression that I was living in story in a dream. I got there on time and managed to get to the right meeting point for the arrivals. As the door started to open my heart was beating so fast, my head got filled with all these small fears. It was too much for me. I couldn't control the emotion. After minutes with a high state of emotions the gate opened again and I could finally meet her eyes in real life. She was like an angel between normal people. She was glowing. Her beauty amazed me and I had never before felt like I felt when we were holding each other so strong in our arms. We sat on a bench in front of the airport and just enjoyed the wonderful feeling of love. The way her eyes talks to me; the way her smile brings happiness in my heart just makes me more sure that I've found the girl of my dreams. We had a wonderful time together and all I could say was thank you to God for bringing her into my life. Now I can't imagine a life without her love. I don't want to wake up unless her eyes will watch me; I don't want to live unless her heart beats for me as mine does for her. I am in love and I'm ready to fight for the wonderful, dreamy future with the girl of my dreams.
chapter three : summer days
it was a pretty early morning for me. as I hear the siren of the ferry I open my eyes and stand my head up. jump of the bed and went to the mirror. a pretty sleepy face shows up but everything change after a splash of water. it was like a dirty window who is cleaned by rain drops. the image went clear and now could see the morning orange sun rising in the sea horizons. went on the deck to enjoy my beilys frappé and my cheep drum cigarette. the taste of the smoke has horrible and decide not to smoke that bullshit.
in the half ring of the sun I could had seen a ferry losing in the beautiful reflection of the sun. my mind went only on the day I woke up as early like this one when I took the ferry to see my high, my love, my energy, my everything!
it was a long trip, around 7 hours and another 3 waiting in the harbor s kids park. I remember the heat was kinda putting me down that's why I decided to chill with a orange juice at the shadow of the monument. a beautiful statue representing a sea woman. the time came and she had suppose to be here already. took out my 18 200 mm and zoomed the begging of the street to search her. at a point a see a girl dressed in blue and white, typical sailors colors. she was holding a small billboard in her right arm and the cool wind was blowing her curly hear in the back. her look was searching for me but I've decided to let her keep on searching.
I coulnd help it anymore and made her a sign that I was just there. she let her board down and run to me. her first hug after so long days just filled me with the stronger emotions o love and caring. we didn't kiss right away, and when we did it felt like the softest roses are touching my lips. we walked threw the harbor and went on a street with lots of touristic shops, rent car agency and some small tavernas. the weather was really hot, but the butterflys that run into my body was making it almost insupportable. after couples of minutes walking in witch we hold our hands and kisses mostly all the time we finally arrived in the studio that she will spend her summer nights. the first thing was to take a shower but the attraction btw us pushed us straight to bed. she laid down and I "jumped" over her kissing her with a passion and intensity that was new for my mind and body; we took fast our clothes of and had an amazing sex;
it all happen pretty fast but the desire and the waiting was so strong that made us come in the same time! the feeling was unbelievable and it took us couples of minutes to come "back on earth" we entered the shower and enjoyed the refreshing water, of course we didn't manage to handle our feelings and start again to kiss and touch. the desire of making her come was overtook en me again and I ve turned her with the face against the shower and went inside her again, the sex was like a rainy day in the desert, can t compare it with other experience I ever had...
after, we set down naked in the bed and she was holding her head and a hand on my chest;
When I've opened my eyes and saw her laying like this I know that the girl of my dreams and that I will do whatever it takes to keep her mine for as long ...
the story doesn't end here, we had a perfect time and a next day full of fun combine with love and romanticism;
I miss her so much!
chapter four : strange feelings
i find myself sitting on this bench looking at this psychedelic reflections of the sun on the harbors water; travelers and holidays makers passing from time to time. the sun is honing the end of the day transforming the little clouds into some beautiful colorful abstract lines.
lots of toughs are rushing into my mind and my questions aren't yet answered. I end up again on this island with the idea of reaching the world biggest wish that exist: true love! the location supposed to bring more peace and calm to my heart knowing that my loved is more close to me. the days pass hard and the feeling of missing grows once with my love for her. sometimes the daily problems and the stress of the island combine with this waiting of passing the time brings me in a state of depression and anger. but I remember again that when you fallow your heart it always takes you there where the pure life is, and this for me is in her arms. as well some stories of other travelers remind me that on the path to pure love you will always find difficulties and moments in which the universe will test your straight and your will.
my love for her and the wish to prove my words that come only from my heart will always make me succeed in the obstacles that come on my way to the place I wanna be for as long this love will burn into our hearts.
we have to give the time and work for this to transform from feelings and thoughts to life, because we are the only living creatures that can accomplish this. and we should never forget that in every one of us there is the power to for fill the ultimate creation that the universe let us : transforming feelings into life!
chapter five : the end
you know : "i'm a flirty person, i need a break, i want to go out and flirt with boys, i want to be free"
this is my end or the begging of losing all this feelings that you already read.
by alexh (c) with love !
I felt in love for the second time. I've met her in a place where the party was on mostly every second; the first time I've saw her I've told to myself that she had to be mine at least for that night. in my opinion I'm a shy person when it's about girls, so I never tried to do much. I was looking at her every time that she couldn't notice, and after a while I've said to myself just go and ask for a kiss. what else can happen? maybe you'll get it said the optimistic part of me. I got rejected of course by a reason that should have been oviost, she had a bf. The night was almost over and because of a picture I took I've got her attention. I've got as well the kiss I wanted and then she was just gone. I can't remember when I've talked to her again, but my memories takes me to the second moment i had an important sign for her. I was a simple one, she was coming back to Amsterdam with some friends and asked me to hook them up with an entrance to one of the clubs my party was corporating with. I was more then happy to help her but didn't understood why she didn't want to come in my crawl. I've let it like this and didn't get any sign from her till late in the night. I was at this ultimate indie party and already a bit dizzy. when I got her MSG I was sitting upstairs smoking a cigar near the window. I've saw her straight away and direct her to the entrance. i went down to put them inside and there everything started. she was wearing a very hot top, black, and u could almost saw her tits. I was incredible attracted to her but tried to be cool; around other 6 guys it was kinda wired to approach her but after we dance and the party was one our connection was on. we end up to the place I was sleeping pretty drunk but I had a gr8 feeling inside; I didn't know then that all this will gonna lead me on the path of true love but I can say now that it was one of the best things that happen to me in the last 5 years; after she left we started to talk more and as well to realize how wonderful and amazing we make each other feel. we spent another 7 day together in April and then I know for sure that she is my girl; we planed things and made them happen and soon we will start a new life together. a life that in my hopes it last forever an ever. I love her and miss her every second.
chapter two : together again
I got up early that day just to get myself ready for my first real date with the girl that turned my world up side down in the sweetest way possible. I got to the office earlier and found my colleague waiting in front of the door. Seemed like the office was closed so I decided to run to the flower market. I wanted to get the most beautiful flower for her. It was strange that I wasn't happy with how beautiful they were, because they had to be as beautiful as her. In the end I pick up these white roses and went back to work. It was already two and I decided to go to the Central station to take a train and head to the airport. I didn't know how I felt. It was all to intense and in a way so unreal. I had all the time the impression that I was living in story in a dream. I got there on time and managed to get to the right meeting point for the arrivals. As the door started to open my heart was beating so fast, my head got filled with all these small fears. It was too much for me. I couldn't control the emotion. After minutes with a high state of emotions the gate opened again and I could finally meet her eyes in real life. She was like an angel between normal people. She was glowing. Her beauty amazed me and I had never before felt like I felt when we were holding each other so strong in our arms. We sat on a bench in front of the airport and just enjoyed the wonderful feeling of love. The way her eyes talks to me; the way her smile brings happiness in my heart just makes me more sure that I've found the girl of my dreams. We had a wonderful time together and all I could say was thank you to God for bringing her into my life. Now I can't imagine a life without her love. I don't want to wake up unless her eyes will watch me; I don't want to live unless her heart beats for me as mine does for her. I am in love and I'm ready to fight for the wonderful, dreamy future with the girl of my dreams.
chapter three : summer days
it was a pretty early morning for me. as I hear the siren of the ferry I open my eyes and stand my head up. jump of the bed and went to the mirror. a pretty sleepy face shows up but everything change after a splash of water. it was like a dirty window who is cleaned by rain drops. the image went clear and now could see the morning orange sun rising in the sea horizons. went on the deck to enjoy my beilys frappé and my cheep drum cigarette. the taste of the smoke has horrible and decide not to smoke that bullshit.
in the half ring of the sun I could had seen a ferry losing in the beautiful reflection of the sun. my mind went only on the day I woke up as early like this one when I took the ferry to see my high, my love, my energy, my everything!
it was a long trip, around 7 hours and another 3 waiting in the harbor s kids park. I remember the heat was kinda putting me down that's why I decided to chill with a orange juice at the shadow of the monument. a beautiful statue representing a sea woman. the time came and she had suppose to be here already. took out my 18 200 mm and zoomed the begging of the street to search her. at a point a see a girl dressed in blue and white, typical sailors colors. she was holding a small billboard in her right arm and the cool wind was blowing her curly hear in the back. her look was searching for me but I've decided to let her keep on searching.
I coulnd help it anymore and made her a sign that I was just there. she let her board down and run to me. her first hug after so long days just filled me with the stronger emotions o love and caring. we didn't kiss right away, and when we did it felt like the softest roses are touching my lips. we walked threw the harbor and went on a street with lots of touristic shops, rent car agency and some small tavernas. the weather was really hot, but the butterflys that run into my body was making it almost insupportable. after couples of minutes walking in witch we hold our hands and kisses mostly all the time we finally arrived in the studio that she will spend her summer nights. the first thing was to take a shower but the attraction btw us pushed us straight to bed. she laid down and I "jumped" over her kissing her with a passion and intensity that was new for my mind and body; we took fast our clothes of and had an amazing sex;
it all happen pretty fast but the desire and the waiting was so strong that made us come in the same time! the feeling was unbelievable and it took us couples of minutes to come "back on earth" we entered the shower and enjoyed the refreshing water, of course we didn't manage to handle our feelings and start again to kiss and touch. the desire of making her come was overtook en me again and I ve turned her with the face against the shower and went inside her again, the sex was like a rainy day in the desert, can t compare it with other experience I ever had...
after, we set down naked in the bed and she was holding her head and a hand on my chest;
When I've opened my eyes and saw her laying like this I know that the girl of my dreams and that I will do whatever it takes to keep her mine for as long ...
the story doesn't end here, we had a perfect time and a next day full of fun combine with love and romanticism;
I miss her so much!
chapter four : strange feelings
i find myself sitting on this bench looking at this psychedelic reflections of the sun on the harbors water; travelers and holidays makers passing from time to time. the sun is honing the end of the day transforming the little clouds into some beautiful colorful abstract lines.
lots of toughs are rushing into my mind and my questions aren't yet answered. I end up again on this island with the idea of reaching the world biggest wish that exist: true love! the location supposed to bring more peace and calm to my heart knowing that my loved is more close to me. the days pass hard and the feeling of missing grows once with my love for her. sometimes the daily problems and the stress of the island combine with this waiting of passing the time brings me in a state of depression and anger. but I remember again that when you fallow your heart it always takes you there where the pure life is, and this for me is in her arms. as well some stories of other travelers remind me that on the path to pure love you will always find difficulties and moments in which the universe will test your straight and your will.
my love for her and the wish to prove my words that come only from my heart will always make me succeed in the obstacles that come on my way to the place I wanna be for as long this love will burn into our hearts.
we have to give the time and work for this to transform from feelings and thoughts to life, because we are the only living creatures that can accomplish this. and we should never forget that in every one of us there is the power to for fill the ultimate creation that the universe let us : transforming feelings into life!
chapter five : the end
you know : "i'm a flirty person, i need a break, i want to go out and flirt with boys, i want to be free"
this is my end or the begging of losing all this feelings that you already read.
by alexh (c) with love !
free yourself from mental prostitution
It's not enough to have a dream unless I'm willing to pursue it. It's not enough to know what's right unless I'm strong enough to do it. It's not enough to join the crowd, to be acknowledged and accepted. I must be true to my ideals, even if I'm excluded and rejected. It's not enough to learn the truth unless I also learn to live it. It's not enough to reach for love unless I care enough to give it.
they vs us
A lot of people don't want to make their own decisions. They're too scared. It's much easier to be told what to do. People talk so much about being individualistic, but they don't want you to be an individual because if you think for yourself then you're not going to be a part of any trend that they want you to be a part of. They don't want you to think for yourself. They tell you they do so that you're happy and you're stupid and you're sheep. Anybody intelligent enough to realize what human is, is not going to sit around and do nothing about it. They're going to be the same way that I am. They're going to be the same way our fans are. They're going to be pissed. These people are artists. These people are musicians. They're taking it out and trying to express it that way. The rest of the world, who are just willing to accept it, are gonna be doing their everyday jobs, and they're going to be trapped in a rut, and they're never gonna see it until the day they die, and they're gonna be disappointed when they don't go to heaven anyway 'cause they were too stupid to realize that it's not going to happen'.
fuck the system
This is what I love, and can't stop loving.Get wasted at parties, from 9 'till 7 in the morning.I live for the music, rolling blunts, feeling high, getting loaded or take some pills and go to La La Land. Spending all my money on dope and extreme high priced tickets.But in the end it's all worth it. I like to live in my own world. Fuck regular life, fuck a 9 to 5 job.I'm told to enjoy every moment, every hour, every minute. That's what I do on Fridays and Saturdays. Why should I take life so seriously? I just wanna do what I like to do. Being far from reality, cause I can't stand society.This is my own world, I just wanna hear the music.
I think the whole system fucking sucks.Everybody's working their fucking ass off during the week,getting totally fucking stressed out.So what's wrong, and what's right?
I live for the weekend, I live for hard styles, I live for hardstyle baby!
Come on! Let's go!
I think the whole system fucking sucks.Everybody's working their fucking ass off during the week,getting totally fucking stressed out.So what's wrong, and what's right?
I live for the weekend, I live for hard styles, I live for hardstyle baby!
Come on! Let's go!
miercuri, 3 martie 2010
life ...
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
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